You wanna get Capone? Here’s how you get him. He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue! That’s the Chicago way, and that’s how you get Capone!
The Untouchables was still in production when I started work in Chicago in the mid-80’s but you only had to live there a while before you began to understand how things worked in the city. How they had always worked.
Since the movie came out to critical and commercial acclam in 1987 various quotes from it have become embedded in popular culture, no more so than the one above, where grizzled old beat cop Malone tells dudley do-right Elliot Ness of the only way they’re going to convict Al Capone. Even more than the quote, one particular soundbite from it has become a byword in the city, among the public, reporters, cops… Basically everybody speaks of The Chicago Way, usually with raised eyebrows. It has become the phrase to explain a city that lives by a strange corruption that gets things done – or at least used to.
Several years ago during a Christmas family visit I listened to a late-night radio talkfest with a couple of the city’s better known journalists talking about the latest construction boondoggle, and they agreed that things had changed; that the old days had meant 10% skimmed off the top but the job got done, whereas nowadays the take is 20% and the job still isn’t finished.
But in Chicago politics, it’s still very much how things get done. Which brings me to Barack Obama.
Despite his later reputation as a smart smoothie, Obama did not do so well early on. Long distrusted by the city’s African-American politicians as a carpetbagger, he won his first political office in 1996, in the Illinois House, by getting all the other Democrat candidates dismissed due to his legal team finding “flaws” in their nominating petitions. He was elected unopposed. This did not make him friends.
Then, in 2000, he failed to unseat former Black Panther, Bobby Rush, for a Federal House Seat, with Rush memorably labeling Obama as an “educated fool”, who did not even walk like the locals.
I’m sure Obama would never want to walk like a Gangster Disciple, but hey, Street Cred, and Bobby obviously knew his voters. He won by 30 points.
Moving on to the 2004 Democratic Senate primaries, Obama was polling in the middle of seven candidates, led by former trader Blair Hull, who spent $30 million of his own money.
And then one day a magical thing happened.
The sealed Chicago court records of Hull’s divorce somehow appeared in public, revealing charges of sexual and verbal abuse. Hull dropped out, the others ran out of funds, Obama did a TV blitz, won the primary and faced off against a GOP challenger.
No, not her! That’s actress Jeri Ryan in her most famous role, as the captured Borg being slowly returned to humanity – one extracted Borg implant and body suit change at a time – in the 1990’s TV series, Star Trek: Voyager. But during those years she was married to Jack Ryan. Again: no! Not Tom Clancy’s eponymous hero, although the real Jack Ryan must have wondered if fiction could become reality.
In 2004 he was the GOP candidate running against Obama. Once again Obama found himself in a tough race. Ryan was also a smart smoothie, with plenty of funding, and it was a dogfight.
And then one day a magical thing happened.
The sealed Chicago court records of Ryan’s divorce were unsealed, revealing that one reason for the divorce was Jeri’s accusation that Jack had asked her to perform sex acts in public. Whether this involved wearing the famous Borg bodysuit seen above is not known, but I’d like to think Jack kept that one for private fun. Ryan drops out of the race of course and Obama won with 70% of the vote (In your face, Bobby).
Between now and then, nothing quite as dramatic happened, even though in 2009 Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was impeached, booted from office and jailed for fourteen years for trying to sell Obama’s vacant Senate seat. In Chicago this was regarded as merely embarrassing because he had asked for so little money. How could a local boy be so dumb and so poor as to not know the value of what he held? What a schmuck.
As of 2009 he was the fourth out of the previous seven Illinois Governors to be jailed.
And so we come to the Jussie Smollett case. Just to recap, Smollet is a gay, black actor with a role in a TV show called Empire. Judging by ratings and critics, most Americans have never seen it. Smollett apparently decided he needed more fame by climbing on the OrangeManBad train. He claimed that at 2am on a bitterly cold Chicago morning in January, after getting a Subway sandwich, he was jumped by two MAGA-hat wearing white dudes who poured bleach on him, hung a noose around his neck, and yelled at him that “This is MAGA country“. Somehow he fought them off – and kept his sandwich.
All of this supposedly happened in the neighbourhood of Streeterville, one of the toniest parts of downtown, Northside and just a step away from The Magnificant Mile, Michigan Avenue’s expensive shops. The story got massive national attention from the MSM who naturally added it to their list of Trumpian sins and wailed about how far America had fallen into the pits of racism and other phobias.
Note to Jussie: stick to acting, because judging by this performance, you’ll never get anywhere in screenplay, dialog or directing.
The Chicago Police Department (CPD), well aware of the sensitivity of such charges, doggedly got to work but within ten days had found video evidence of two Nigerians buying the items Smollett claimed were used in the attack. Arrested, they laughingly fessed up to the whole scam, were released with no charges, and the investigation was dropped, humiliating Smollett and the MSM. As the CPD Chief, Eddie T. Johnson, said:
“Jussie Smollett took advantage of the pain and anger of racism to promote his career. I am left hanging my head asking ‘why?’. Why would anyone, especially an African-American man, use the symbolism of a noose to make false accusations? … How can an individual who’s been embraced by the city of Chicago turn around and slap everyone in the city in the face with these false claims?”
The CPD and other authorities were angry enough that they demanded action be taken against the hoaxer. Working with Joe Magats, the Cook County State’s Deputy Attorney (equivalent to a Deputy District Attorney elsewhere in the USA), they charged Smollett with 16 counts of disorderly conduct in making false charges. A Grand Jury saw the evidence and indicted Smolletts’ to a full trial. Some people felt that sixteen charges was overkill, but regarded it as the usual ploy. They’be watered down to one or two minor charges, Smollett would do a deal with a guilty plea, followed by a fine and community service or some such.
Magats had been assigned the trial by his boss, Kim Foxx, who recused herself. She did so partly because she had connections with Smollett via Hollywood, where she’s been seen partying with the stars. Stars with lots of money who might help an ambitious DA along the well-worn path of getting into politics.
But the main reason was when it was publically revealed that Michelle Obama’s former Chief Of Staff, Tina Tchen, had asked her to intervene in the case early on and try and bring the FBI in. Smollett is mates with the Obamas. Of course. In Chicago, many wondered exactly what “recusal” really meant and whether the whole office should back out and appoint – drum roll – a Special Counsel. But the case moved forward anyway.
And then one day a magical thing happened.
Without warning Mayor Rahm Emanuel or Johnson, and while they were at a graduating ceremony for the latest batch of innocent young CPD recruits, Magats obtained an emergency court session and all charges against Smollett were dropped. Magats argument was as follows:
“We believe he did was he was charged with what he was doing. This was not an exoneration. To say that he was exonerated by us or anyone is not true.”
….
“Our goal and our #1 priority is combatting violent crime and the drivers of violence and we look to our resources to do that and I don’t think that Mr. Smollett is a driver of violence or a violent individual.”
…
“In return for forfeiting his bond to the City of Chicago and doing his community service, we agreed to dismiss the charges against him. He did community service for Operation Push.”
That would be Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow PUSH Coalition. Smollett did 18 hours over two days in their offices. Sweet deal. Also the Cook County Clerk has found that there were no written motions filed with the court and the case has vanished from the Attorney Office’s database, “as if it never existed”. A final touch of humor is that the judge also sealed the court records.
As I write, the shitstorm is still gathering pace in Chicago. Emanuel, Johnson and a good chunk of the city are on the warpath. There’s always tension between any DA’s office and the cops, but this could be a complete relationship breakdown as they’re demanding the DOJ investigate the DA’s offices and have started releasing all their own paperwork on the case. Smollett can’t be happy at that but obviously the CPD don’t care anymore.
Questions further afield are being asked because the elections for Mayor of Chicago are coming up in just a few days and the timing seems too good. Who might benefit from this? Candidate Toni Preckwinkle (awesome name, already shortened by her many enemies to “Prickwinkle”) had Kim Foxx as her Chief of Staff at one point, is behind in all polls and needs to rark up her base. Emanuel announced ages ago that he would quit as Mayor – after only two terms. Since he could have held it forever as the Daley family did, the speculation is that he’s aiming at Dickhead Turban Durbin’s Illinois Senate seat. He also has Hollywood connections, but having this happen on his city watch won’t help with that move up. And of course there’s Foxx and her political ambitions.
For sure, there’s more going on here than obvious things like courts, laws, evidence and so forth. Having started with one movie quote I’ll end with another, entirely appropriate as it turns out:
Forget it Jake. It’s Chinatown.
No Minister 