No Minister

The Triumph of The Troughers

Oh great! Phil Goff may be on the way to the USA as the next NZ ambassador.

Why? Is the Auckland mayoralty boring him now?

Or is there some damage coming down the pike that he wants to be well clear of when it arrives?

That hideous cluster fuck of a train station perhaps? The abandonment of Queen Street and other traditional parts of Auckland’s downtown to the glittering developments of Britomart and the Viaduct basin as the new Auckland CBD? The increase in crime, homelessness and general filth? The relentless increase in housing un-affordability, with the city’s autistic focus on central planning for public transport and high-density living: such a winner in the world of Chinese Lung Rot 24 and other diseases? The rise of Pokeno and other far-flung new suburbs North and South in response?

FFS, the civic virtue path of Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus is even more dead than two thousand five hundred years of time would suggest.

So let’s go through the list for this tosser:

  1. Over a decade as a student and then political Labour activist, until he got elected to Parliament in 1981.
  2. Thirty plus years as an MP, with nothing of note accomplished. The only memorable thing is being taunted by John Key with “Show Me The Money” while Labour leader during an ill-fated 2011 campaign when he couldn’t recall the tax revenue numbers he’d get from the Capital Gains Tax he’d promised. To be fair – going by the current government’s core-of-the-earth level of competence – I now think that Labour simply hadn’t run the numbers for the poor bastard.
  3. After a lifetime of bellowing political mediocrity, he finally retires from Parliament in 2016 – but only days after winning election of Mayor of Auckland, thanks to the usual apathy of local rate paying voters and the pig-headed refusal of National to run an explicit mayoral candidate because they “don’t get involved in local politics”.
  4. And now a lovely, cruisy few years in the capital of one of the world’s superpowers before finally retiring.

That last must be regarded as a wishful assumption at this rate, given the expanding number of bullshit bureaucratic jobs being created back in NZ that he can apply for. The best case scenario is that they’ll be some commission created in the future to deal with some non-existent problem that Goff can be appointed too.

Do these bastards have no sense of shame? Is the enormous pile of money he surely must have accumulated on three decades-plus of six-figure salaries, in addition to his various pensions, not enough?

Moreover, does he really think he’s got something special to contribute to the US-NZ relationship? Given the typical arrogance level of a politician I’m sure he does.

I wonder if he’ll hang this in his Washington D.C. office? With the current administration it would likely be a big hit.

On the other hand maybe this will lead to better trade relations with the US? They seem keen on supporting enemies more than their friends so I reckon it’s time we gave the former approach a crack. Phil won’t have to reach too far back into his memory to haul out some good America-hating stuff – although I’d go easy on chanting “Hey, Hey LBJ. How many kids did you kill today?”; a Democrat of Biden’s vintage might not appreciate that.

Finally, while I’m glad to hear he won’t be running again for mayor of Auckland I have no confidence that the next mayor of our city will be any better. Even though the creation of the Supercity of Auckland on National’s watch has produced a monster of influence even greater than their share of MP’s would suggest. At this rate Auckland will come to dominate NZ politics in the way that NYC, Chicago, LA and San Francisco dominate the politics of the states of New York, Illinois and California. Meaning that it will be more than politics: expect a national bailout of Auckland debt someway down the line.

But then all our main cities seem dominated by Leftists with Big Visions that require Big Spending and incompetent management.

Even if the next mayor was better than Goff, things like the City Rail Link are basically unstoppable at this point, with a budget that’s exploded from an original $2.3 billion to $4.4 billion – and that latter figure being merely mid-2019.

There’s likely plenty more where that came from in the city’s budget. Best to be cuddled up in Washington D.C. if that shit hits the fan.

Written by Tom Hunter

June 23, 2021 at 6:00 am

4 Responses

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  1. Like any true socialist Phil has spent the cash and hocked the silverware.

    time to move on.


    June 23, 2021 at 11:57 am

  2. As I am sure you know, CRL was actually commenced by the John Key led National government. Of course it is entirely predictable that you would be opposed to urban rail in Auckland. Though I do agree the project has been abysmally managed, at least going by how long it is taking. The construction phase alone will be almost 10 years, from 2015 to 2024/2025.


    June 23, 2021 at 5:51 pm

    • Yes, I am well aware of it Wayne and much as I might approve of the idea of a ring rail rather than the existing, silly Britomart stop, the fact is that I and a lot of other people knew that these rail projects always blow out their timelines and budgets and that CRL would be no exception to the disasters of Boston’s “Big Dig” and others.

      So I opposed it unless the plan and the costs could be locked down. Abysmal management was built in from the start because it was going to be done at the behest of the same sort of planners that have dominated Auckland for years. But you and Key simply give it the same stamp of approval that you give to countless dingbat Left-wing “public” ideas: you either were not capable of mounting an argument against the fanatics of the Auckland Transport Group or you didn’t think it was worth the fight.

      Frankly the only way I might have approved it would have been if Joyce was put in charge, because he dealt with many of the same sort of people and their transport planning stupidities in the Waterview tunnel build.

      Tom Hunter

      June 23, 2021 at 6:04 pm

  3. The life and times of Philip the Expectorator.


    June 27, 2021 at 9:37 am

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