No Minister

Your new Taliban 2.0

with 4 comments

Salaam Alaikum.

You’ve been that friend who rejoices with friends in their good times and sticks with them through the bad times. 

Congratulations on your purchase and installation of the new Taliban 2.0 Operating System.

We realise that twenty years is a long time to wait for an upgrade but thanks to a donation of $1 trillion from US taxpayers and a lot of blood, toil, tears and sweat (mainly blood), we’re back.

And better than ever.

The original Taliban OS was specifically designed to run on the Afghan hardware platform, and while this is still the best fit we are making great strides in enabling the OS to be rigid and powerful enough to bend any environment to its will.

The key performance OS component supporting this functionality is the Sharia Law Memory Management system, which allows you to select and wipe away any development since the 7th century. In particular the system can quickly render 57 Western genders into just two: male and breeding stock.

Backing this up is a new and more powerful Loading and Execution engine which enables thousands of non-conforming hardware units to be quickly deleted, based on your customisable preferences, thus enabling a clean reset of your hardware environment whenever desired.

The LE engine has been combined with advances in Security Management, with the new Door-To-Door biometric track and trace function, which enables surgical precision in wiping out incompatible hardware while still allowing mass deletions if so desired.

The Device Management engine has also been significantly enhanced. We know how well you’ve done with backpacks, mules, AK-74s and RPGs. But think what you’ll be able to do with BlackHawk and Mi-17 helicopters, A-29 Super Tucano attack planes, $3 million ScanEagle drones, armoured Humvees and MRAPs.

However, the advance of which we are most proud has been with the I/O Management function which enables Taliban 2.0 to know more about the outside world, specifically Americans, than they know about Taliban 2.0.

These features allow Taliban 2.0 to smoothly integrate with most Social Media apps. This integration is even superior to that of former President “Cursed Infidel Slayer” Trump, such is the degree of functional conformity between Taliban 2.0 and the likes of Twitter and Facebook.

Included at no cost in your package is a 24/7/365 public relations support centre, SIG (Submissive Infidel Dogs), which includes the Washington Post and other Bacha Bazi.

But the key advance here is the Gen 21 Trolling Shit Post feature which will enable you to mercilessly mock your loser Western enemies even as they grovel at your feet asking about the “existential crisis” they’re sure you’re suffering from in the light of total victory. Here are just two examples of this powerful feature.

In the first, the Gen 21 TSP has taken the images on the left of the ambulatory root vegetable known as “President” Biden licking ice cream while being fellated about it by the US MSM – and converted them into fun pix of yourselves with your ice creams, all while deleting the disgusting acts of fellation.

In the second example the I/O Management engine has worked with the Device Management engine to clothe Holy Warriors in US combat gear and then rendered them and our company logo from a famous historic US memory.

Your trolling mockery of the USA will never stop with Gen 21 TSP.

Finally, if you – or more likely your “friends” – happen to be in the USA on a mission and need assistance all you have to do is contact us, use our American slogan, “BennyDrama7”,** and we’ll give you all the support you need while getting out of your way as quickly as possible.

Allahu Akbar.

** CAUTION: It is essential that you not eat for 24 hours before clicking on BennyDrama7.

Written by Tom Hunter

August 23, 2021 at 6:00 am

4 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. It’s hard to under estimate how stupid Biden has been with this.

    In one fell swoop, he has demonstrated to the world not to trust the Americans (especiallally any allies), and that the USA is not a credible force to be reckoned with.

    By the way, I would have thought it would be standard operating procedure to destroy any military equipment left behind, least it be used against you.

    uncoffined

    August 23, 2021 at 7:31 am

  2. […] Your new Taliban 2.0 […]

  3. droll Tom, very droll … but horribly true. The world (ever Trumpers excepted) lost respect for the Trump administration. Biden has managed, in just a few days to double down on that, sorta Tim Shadbolt on steroids.

    The Veteran

    August 23, 2021 at 8:40 am

    • All jokes aside, they’re a different bunch to the first Taliban when it comes to public relations. They know how to meme across social media. That mockery of the famous Mt Surabachi image has got to sting US vets especially, although I doubt the children of the Biden administration will notice because they likely have no idea what it is.

      Tom Hunter

      August 23, 2021 at 8:47 am


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: