No Minister

The New Salesman

with 2 comments

I don’t know how many of you are into fishing (more golf I suspect), but it seems to have become a passion for several of my old varsity mates as they age.

Anyway…

A Young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum cleaner salesman back in North Dakota.” Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

“How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”.

The boss says “Just ONE?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”

The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65”.

The boss, astonished, says, “$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so i took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition.”

The Boss says, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?” 

The kid says, “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing’

And if you didn’t like that joke, here’s something pretty.

Written by Tom Hunter

January 7, 2022 at 6:00 pm

Posted in Humour

2 Responses

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  1. I first heard this one a number of years ago at the same time as I heard the following:

    Osama bin Laden was sitting in his cave wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

    “Hallo, Mr. Laden” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”

    “Well, Paddy,” Osama replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

    “Right now,” said Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “thyvonne ere is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!”

    Osama paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

    “Begorra!”, said Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back!”

    Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. “Mr.Laden, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”

    “And what equipment would that be, Paddy?” Osama asked.

    “Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy’s farm tractor.”

    Osama sighed. “I must tell you, Paddy, I have 6,000 tanks and 4,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.”

    “Saints preserve us!” said Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”

    Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. “Mr.Laden, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We’ve modified Harrigan’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
    boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!”

    Osama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, I have 1,000 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.
    And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!”

    “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!”, said Paddy, “I’ll have to ring you back.”

    Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. “Top o’ the mornin’, Mr. Laden! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.”

    “I’m sorry to hear that,” said Osama. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

    “Well,” said Paddy, “we’ve all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners.”

    Teletext

    January 7, 2022 at 10:48 pm

  2. Love them. Both.

    Lindsay Mitchell

    January 9, 2022 at 11:41 am


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