It’s not as pithy as “The Front Fell Off” but this response from a mate of mine – retired now but who has helped the Navy out from time to time – was spot on as I teased him about today’s loss of one of our Navy’s ships. The famous quote is from Admiral Beatty at The Battle of Jutland (courtesy of the NZ Navy Museum):
Meantime variations on the following probably will be what we’ll be hearing over the next few days from various officials in the Navy, NZDF, and the politicians.
No Minister 
There was nothing wrong with Beatty’s ships. To increase rate of fire they left bags of cordite stowed where it shouldn’t be and left flash doors open.
A new Warrant Gunner joined Princess Royal before Jutland and saw this and insisted that all anti flash doors were correct and all cordite stored as per regs. She came through OK. Others blew up as the flash from an hit explosion followed the line of least resistance. Read Castle of Steel by Robert K Massie.
First Officer, Ummm Captain I dont think we should anchor this close to the reef.
Captain: No she’ll be fine, if it drags we can just start up and move
First Officer, Aye Aye Sir
4 hours laaaater
First Officer: Captain she’s dragging
OK, start engines
Engine room to Captain: the diesel pre heater wont start>
Captain: What do you mean wont start
Engine Room: well the generator that delivers power to the preheater seems to have failed.
Captain: Drop over to the back up supply
Engine room: that generator is frozen due to lack of use. And the diesel injectors are clogged, as they havent been changed so even if we preheat we are still fucked.
Captain: Ah well all good, write in the logbook first mate, and bring it with you. “Failed due to the New Zealand curse, no routine maintenance.”
Captain: And tell those sailors to put out the hangi before she goes under.
First Mate: Well if is any consolation The Adern govt wasted $3billion on Shane Jones projects, and we can revive the shipbuilding industry in Whangerai. And look on the bright side Captain you can get a job fixing rivets.
Captain; look here you fuckwit they dont use rivets anymore, Ill have to move to the miones in Western Australia afetr they take my balls!