Luxon’s office.
Present: Luxon, Mark Mitchell, Simeon Brown, and the new Police Commissioner, Richard Chambers.
Fortunately we have a recording of the meeting, partial only.

Luxon: Well Dick hows it all going?

Chambers: Thats Richard, Chris

Luxon: Yeah sorry mate. Hows road safety going.

Chambers: Got some great anecdotes for you Chris, we’ve been hammering the average law abiding driver around Wellington, with our stepping up to the Quotas campaign.
First up, we’ve had my guys in the Pohutakawa trees down Cobham drive catching all those speeding drivers coming around the bend on State Highway 1 to Wellington Airport. Used to be 70km there for 30 years or more but the Labour Luvvies got NZTA to drop it to 60km. Its dual carriage, straight as a die and safe as houses!
Never been an accident there in 50 years but we certainly giving them the message.!!
Whats more we get to double dip.
See Chris they go around the airport round-about at the north end, head up a rise at 60 where most cars struggle to keep to that limit, then they crest and go down the hill and my guys are in the bushes and we ping them again for doing over 60 on State Highway 1. Its simply wonderful policing and my guys are having a ball.

Luxon: Simeon wont we supposed to have put all those speed limits back to where they were.

Simeon Brown: Ah shucks Chris , youre probably right but I’ve been terribly busy with Face Book posts on road cones and putting up speed limits on the new Otaki Highway, and dithering around with other stuff.

Luxon: Doesnt look good for us , I mean really pinging people in such a safe road, thats supposed to be 70!

Luxon’s aide: leans into him and whispers into his ear ” Chris those roads are right next to Miramar suburb where according to Facebook car thiefs are at epidemic proportions, run by the crime gangs in Strathmore, not much policing being done up there apparently.

Luxon: ummm, the polls, but his thoughts are interrupted.

Chambers: Seemingly missing the side chats carrys on. Yep Chris and youre going to love this one too, my guys are having a real ball on the Petone over bridge. Yeah Chris, warming to his story, those suckers come out of the Terrace Tunnel in Wellington, hit a speed camera with a nice sign saying “Placed here for your safety”, drive another 10km on State Highway 1 and pass another speed camera just short of the Petone Overbridge, where the limit drops to go around a sharp bend to 80Kp/hr.
Once round that bend its a straight dual carriage way with a 100km/hr sign about 400meters up the road, and of course they all speed up in anticipation, and zap kapow my guys are standing on the Petone overbridge where they cant be seen and are literally shooting them in the back. Fish in a barrel stuff!

Luxon: Hows that work?

Chambers: Well its another NZTA cockup, there used to be a dangerous side street just under the overbridge but that was blocked off years ago, but the signage was never changed.

Luxon: So Richard you have been able to exploit some anomalies to basically entrap motorists, in areas with little or no safety concerns.

Chambers: Chris thats a bit rough isnt it, we do have our quotas, and nobody instructed us on how we achieve it.

Luxon sighs to himself, ummm I wonder if we could give all those tickets and demerit points back, too hard methinks.

Luxon : Simeon get off your lazy arse and get those road speeds fixed, stop doing what Chris Bishop tells you with all that social media crap on cones.

Richard: Any chance your guys could annoy some of those car thiefs in Miramar ?