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Monday Humour

Saw this on face book and it is so good I had to share it.

Little Charlie and his girl friend Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Charlie goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand. Charlie bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.” … Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well, Charles, you are only 10. Where will you two live?”Without even taking a moment to think about it, Charlie replies, “In Jenny’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit in it nicely.”Still thinking this is just adorable Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, “Okay, then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Jenny.”Again, Charlie instantly replies, “Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine.” Mr. Smith is impressed. Charlie has put so much thought into this. “Well Charles, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?”Charlie just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well, we’ve been lucky so far.” . . . . Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little bastard is so adorable!

Written by pdm1946

April 12, 2021 at 10:59 am

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Jacinda takes on the tough questions – Nowhere.

I pirated this from todays General Debate over at Kiwiblog – penned by

  • info@cruzpro.com.
  • Jacinda Ardern goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and Jacinda asks him his name.“Colin,” responds the little boy.“And what is your question, Colin?”“I have 3 questions. First, why does New Zealand not support its’ partners asking hard questions of China? Second, why are you distancing yourself from the Mental Health Report? And third, how come only one third of the promised Covid 19 vaccines have been administered?”Just then, the bell rings for recess. Jacinda Ardern informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
  • When they resume Jacinda says, “OK, where were we? Oh, that’s right question time. Who has a question?” Another little boy puts up his hand. Jacinda points him out and asks him his name.“Graham! ,” he responds.“And what is your question, Graham?”“I have 5 questions. First, why does New Zealand not support its’ partners asking hard questions of China? Second, why are you distancing yourself from the Mental Health Report? And third, how come only one third of the promised Covid 19 vaccines have been administered? Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, what the heck happened to Colin?”

Too good not to be shared.

Written by pdm1946

April 8, 2021 at 8:38 am

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Best Ever Pakistan Test Cricket Eleven

There is a bit of hit and miss with this line up and my experience of early Pakistan teams is pretty much limited to the fact that Hanif Mohammed was one of the few test cricketers to top 300 in a test innings in the 1950’s and 60’s. Then of course Javed Miandad became a dominant force in all forms of the game and it is of interest to me that New Zealand’s Peter Petherick was the only bowler to ever trap him LBW in a test in Pakistan. Petherick also took a test hat trick against Pakistan in Lahore in 1976/77 with his victims being – Miandad caught, Wasim Rajah caught and bowled and Intikhab Alam caught at short leg – no bunnies in that lot.

Now for my team:

  1. Hanif Mohammed
  2. Majid Khan
  3. Zaheer Abbas
  4. Javed Miandad
  5. Younis Khan
  6. Imran Khan
  7. Saqlain Mushtaq
  8. Wasim Akram
  9. Wasim Bari
  10. Abdul Qadir
  11. Waqar Younis

Imran Khan would captain the team and 12 man would be Wasim Rajah.

This is a team with a fairly long tail but such is the strength of the top order that runs should not be too much of a problem and the bowling line up is formidable. Maybe current keeper Misbah-ul-haq could have forced his way in ahead of Bari to bolster the batting and others on the fringe were Saeed Anwar, Inzamam ul haq, Mohammed Yousef and Intikhab Alam.

Not quite so contested with the bowlers – but what do you think?

Written by pdm1946

March 16, 2021 at 7:30 pm

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Best Ever South African Test Cricket Eleven

Well not much interest in my Indian Team a few days ago but lets see if we get a response from readers of South African origin. As a 16 year old I was an avid follower of the New Zealand Tour of South Africa in 1962/63 plus of course was familiar with the heroics of Bert Sutcliffe, Bob Blair and others on the 1954 tour there. I also knew that in Wellington in 1952 Jackie McGlew the South African opener became the first ever test player to be on the field for every ball of a test match – I played some cricket with and against the late Eric Fisher who played his only test for New Zealand in that match.

Here is my team in batting order:

  1. Barry Richards
  2. Graeme Smith
  3. Hashim Amla
  4. Graeme Pollock
  5. AB de Villiers
  6. Jacques Kallis
  7. Mark Boucher
  8. Vernon Philander
  9. Peter Pollock
  10. Alan Donald
  11. Hugh Tayfield

Graeme Smith will captain the team and take your pick of Colin Bland or Jonty Rhodes as 12th man. What outstanding fieldsmen those two were.

The time when South Africa were banned from participating in International cricket impacted on this team. I put Barry Richards in even though he only played four tests but left out Mike Proctor who played seven and Clive Rice who never played a test as far as I could see – what a waste.

In the end I left Jackie McGlew out for Smith and of course Hanse Cronje ruled himself out. Greats like Eddie Barlow, JB Waite, Roy Mclean, batsmen in my era missed out while bowlers Neil Adcock, Sean Pollock (I couldn’t have 3 Pollocks – could I) as well as Morne Morkel were all considered. Dave Richardson pushed Boucher for wicket keeper and JB Waite was also a contender there.

What say you South Africans – who have I omitted that you would want there?

Written by pdm1946

March 7, 2021 at 11:22 am

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Best Ever Indian Test Cricket Eleven

Apart from the last thirty years or so I have not known too much about Indian Cricket or its players. It is fair to say for most of their test cricketing history they were not the force that they have been since about 1990 even though they did win the 1983 ODI World Cup. Still they have produced a number of talented players and the records of those that I have listed below speak for themselves. In batting order my team is:

  1. Sunil Gavaskar
  2. Virender Sehwag
  3. Rahul Dravid
  4. Sachin Tendulker
  5. Virat Kohli
  6. Kapil Dev
  7. MS Dhoni
  8. Ravichandran Ashwin
  9. Bishen Bedi
  10. Javagal Srinith
  11. Jaspirit Bumrah

Captain would be MS Dhoni with Ravindra Jadeja 12th man.

Growing up I heard of batsmen like Vinoo Mankad, Polly Umrigar,Mohinder Armanath and others but the ones who came close to cracking this team include VVS Lakshman, Gautem Gambhir and even Sourav Ganguly who missed out because he had limitations when the ball was moving around and bouncing.

Bowling was a different issue with Erapalli Prasanna, Bhagwath Chandrasekhar, Anil Kumble in the spinners and dependable left armer Zaheer Khan and Ishant Sharma all very worthy contenders. While Ravi Shastri was a contender for the number 6 all rounder spot.

One thing that New Zealand cricket followers and supporters can be pleased about is that on the 1975/76 tour by Indian then tearaway fast bowler Richard Hadlee was given one last chance by the selectors in the third test in Wellington and he came good with 4/35 and 7/23 – his career only went ahead from there.

What changes would you make to the above team.

Written by pdm1946

March 2, 2021 at 6:17 am

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Stuff you are appalling

I read stuff most days because I like their daily morning and afternoon quick quizzes and have a daily competition with my son as to who scores best. As a result I read a few articles most days and from time to time get the urge to comment – rarely are my comments posted – except for sports articles where probably 90% are.

This morning they had one penned by a Daniel Dunkley entitled `Why our water reforms need to go further’.

Obviously Dunkley is a green as his article focuses on Nitrates from farm fertiliser being the problem and in my view the article did not go anywhere near dealing with what causes water pollution throughout the country.

As they had comments open I penned a comment pointing out the article was misleading and that the vast majority of farmers were very conscious of the need for clean water because it affected their livelihood. I further suggested his article should take into account water pollution from towns and cities as well.

My post got an offensive wording warning but when I looked it over I only saw direct suggestions, no bad language or innuendo so I submitted it at about 8.30am – not showing so obviously deleted. Interestingly there were three other comments showing two of which were along similar lines to mine – they have now disappeared.

Among other things stuff advocate – and this is copied from their page:

`We believe in freedom of speech and in the importance of everyone having a say in a healthy democracy. We aim to give you the whole picture to help you form your own view of the world.

I say bullshit to that.

Written by pdm1946

February 25, 2021 at 10:39 am

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Best Ever West Indian Test Cricket Eleven

What talent to choose from and some truely great players have missed out. The West Indians have a role in New Zealand’s cricket history through being the opposition in New Zealand’s first test win at Eden Park in 1956 but, it was on their Australian Tour in 1961 that they first really came to my attention – remember the first ever tied test in Brisbane. Then of course in the late 70’s and early 1980’s they dominated world cricket under the captaincy of Clive Lloyd, with a strong batting line up and a battery of fast bowlers.

Have a look at my best ever team:

  1. Gordon Greenidge
  2. Conrad Hunte
  3. George Headley
  4. Everton Weekes
  5. Viv Richards
  6. Garfield Sobers
  7. Jeffrey Dujon
  8. Joel Garner
  9. Michael Holding
  10. Wesley Hall
  11. Lance Gibbs

George Headley, known in his day as `the black Bradman’ would be Captain with Roger Harper 12th Man.

It says much for the West Indies that batsmen Brian Lara, Clyde Walcott, Clive Lloyd, Frank Worrell and Rohan Kanhai did not make the cut and nor did bowlers Andy Roberts, Malcolm Marshall, Sonny Ramadhin, or Alf Valentine. They also had the equivalent of our Rodney Redmond with VH Stollemeyer scoring 96 in his only test innings, as it was 1939 obviously the second world war curtailed his cricketing career.

I have seen the West Indies play twice – the first time against a North Island X1 at Napier in the late 60’s and again when they played India at the Basin Reserve in the 1992 World Cup. In Napier Seymour Nurse scored a hundred plus and it was Clive Lloyds first West Indies tour I believe.

Have you seen them.

Written by pdm1946

February 20, 2021 at 5:22 am

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Bloody Dangerous Idiots – All Three

Yesterday mrspdm decreed that she and I would travel to Napier from our Hastings home because she had sighted a bargain in a store not represented in Hastings. Suffice to say we got said bargain from a store across the road she had spotted the bargain at – which did have a Hastings outlet – at a cost of $100 approx more than intended. But enough of our shopping exploits.

On our way back to Hastings along the Marine Parade (SH51) as we approached the passing lane from the Te Awa turn off (by Maraenui Golf Club) to the Awatoto Fertilser Works we came up behind three camper vans apparently travelling in convoy – splitting the campervans were a couple of private vehicles. This is where the idiocy happened and their speed as we caught them was about 85 to 90ks.

At the start of the passing lanes the front two campervans indicated and pulled into the right hand lane even though there were no vehicles ahead of them to pass. There they stayed while the two private vehicles overtook them using the left hand lane as did the third camper van.

I said to mrspdm bugger this and backed off a couple of hundred yards – it was an accident waiting to happen. I kept that gap until we turned off to visit relatives in Havelock North and they went on to Hastings.

In hindsight we should have *555’d them but were so mesmirised by the lunacy we did not think of it at the time.

Written by pdm1946

February 18, 2021 at 7:43 am

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Best Ever England Test Cricket Team

There is plenty of talent to choose from here and I am sure a few of our pommy readers as well as regular commenters will have a view not only on the players I have picked but even more so on those I have left out.

My interest in English cricket started with the 1958 New Zealand tour and grew through the 1958/59 Ashes series in Australia. One of my first ever cricket books was Trevor Baileys Cricket Book which it is fair to say may have influenced the selection of a couple of the players in my team which in batting order is – apologies for the double spacing I couldn’t get rid of it:

1 Herbert Sutcliffe

2. Jack Hobbs

3. Walter Hammond

4. Joe Root

5 David Gower

6. Ian Botham

7. Alan Knott

8. Fred Trueman

9. Jim Laker

10. Alec Bedser

11. Jimmy Anderson

Hammond would be Captain and Derek Randell (Arkle) 12thMan

As far as players who missed out they are a dime a dozen but of the modern era Alistair Cook was close while in the bowlers Brian Statham lost out to Anderson and Frank Tyson and Derek Underwood were real contenders. Alan Knotts batting got him in ahead of Godfrey Evans and Bob Taylor because with Trueman at eight the tail looked a bit long.

Going further back I really do not know how good players like Wilfred Rhodes and Dr. Grace really were so have left them out but they were icons of the game in their time.

In fact I have in mind so many good English players I was tempted to name another eleven to play a trial test to finalise my best eleven.

Over to you now – who would you have.

Written by pdm1946

February 13, 2021 at 9:42 am

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A Mix Of Cricket Trivia

My post with a best ever Australian Cricket X1 elicited some sledges etc in the comments and they made me think of various characters, famous sayings and incidents over the years I have been playing and following cricket:

Yabba was an icon of the famous `hill’ at the SCG and the following is attributed to him although I see others have used it too. Frank Tyson, possibly the fastest ever English bowler was bowling to an Australian batsman whose name I don’t recall in the 1954/55 Ashes series – the batsman had played and missed at 5 or 6 balls in a row (8 ball overs in Australia in those days) when Yabba yelled – bowl him a piano Frank and see if he can play that.

Brian Johnson was one of several great English Commentators that were a part of my cricket listening life. The following two gems are attributed to him. He was commentating on a test match England v West Indies in the late 70’s or early 80s when he came out with this one – the bowler is Holding the batsmans Willey – Michael Holding WI bowling to Peter Willey E.

His second effort involves New Zealand great Glenn Turner playing for his County Worcestershire and facing England fast bowler Bob Willis, Warwickshire. Turner got hit in the abdominal protector area (box we called them) and went down as men do. Eventually he was restored to fitness and faced up to Willis again for Johnson to pick up the commentary with – Turner to face Willis, one ball remaining.

JR Reid was batting against India on the 1955/56 tour. According to Reid’s book Sword Of Willow Indian left arm spinner Gupte was pitching the ball about 18 inches to 2ft outside off stump and spinning it away – ball after ball making it nearly impossible for the NZ right hand batsmen to score off him. Reid decided to do something about it and make a point – Gupte bowled a ball and Reid never moved from his stance as the ball went through to the keeper.

Gary Bartlett was possibly New Zealand’s fastest ever bowler. He played in the late 50’s early 60’s but injury and an alleged suspect action limited his career – at his best he terrorised batsmen. Someone I played club cricket with told this story about him in a Hawke Cup match Marlborough v Wanganui. Bartlett hit a batsmen and while the batsman was being checked out Bartlett walked back to his mark and called – prop the bastard back up and I will knock him down again. Wouldn’t go down too well today.

Finally when I was in my high school first X1 we played in the local mens senior competition. In one game the opposing wicketkeeper appealed against the sun, we complained about their umpire smoking and their fast bowler clean bowled Ian (Nectar) Stevens (All Black) with an orange – I was umpire at the time.

Written by pdm1946

February 4, 2021 at 7:39 am

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