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Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

Since I’ve Been Loving You

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Well I can tell you that one group in our societies that is not being loved are the little kids.

In just this past week, the enemies of children known as teachers unions – in this case, the one that controls the Los Angeles Unified School District – issued a directive that all children must wear N95-type masks all day, including during outdoor recess, with a wire over their noses to keep the masks at maximum tightness.

Things are no different in New York.

Or Oregon. You think any of these kids are going to flip through those pages with nostalgia in later years? I can’t help thinking that this could be the moment when the Left lost their precious “Yoof vote”.

Judging by this article, they’re also losing the parents, like this Biden voter:

‘Kids are masked, have no field trips, no extracurriculars, no sports (our town canceled winter recreation sports just for kids but kept adult recreation programming). Not to mention the constant threat of closures when cases rise. School might be mostly ‘open’ but it is not normal. Democrats should be paying attention instead of gaslighting me and telling me everything is fine.’

Between the strikes of the Chicago Teachers Union, pressure for more Zoom learning, plus masks and other mandates, it’s no surprise that Home-Schooling in the US is undergoing the greatest growth it’s ever had.

Meantime back in LA it seems that some protestors have been having fun with posters on walls.

The Babylon Bee continues to have fun, even as many of their pieces of satire come true.

The mandate game, like “My Body, My Choice” can be played by both sides.

We’re used to high prices for petrol in NZ, where we are on the verge of hitting $3.00 / litre for 98 grade – but Americans are not. This following pic is from California of course but the highest price on the board is $NZ 2.35/litre so they’re catching up.

Great cartoon. I know the feeling.

Like I really know the feeling.

If you ever wondered why Fauci has been in the same bureaucratic job for forty years (also the highest paid US government worker, with pension to match), well now you know. I’ve seen plenty of politicians who were less narcissistic than this prick.

A joke movie poster for the “Fauci” documentary, but I’m sure he’d love to have seen himself played by Ryan Reynolds Ryan Gosling in a “true to life” movie (H/T to “Judge Holden” for the correct ID).

Written by Tom Hunter

January 26, 2022 at 2:26 pm

Posted in Humour

Military humour

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Having posted the other day the humourous story of a very lazy man, I realised there was a another piece of military humour I had stocked away.

Although in this case it’s not a “true” story but mere a joke.

Written by Tom Hunter

January 20, 2022 at 6:00 pm

Posted in Humour

Tagged with

“Celebration Day”

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Do we have something to celebrate?

I guess the end of the bullshit vaccine passport or C-19 test checking for Southbound Aucklanders on the Waikato Expressway on Monday this week, counts as something. You have to take your wins where you get them.

I doubt many readers of NM are also on Instagram but for anybody under the age of 30 it’s very much a thing. While working on the agricultural contracting job last year I was astounded at the constant camera-sound from a phone as my Irish workmate “communicated” with friends around the world via an endless stream of selfies while I drove us to our harvesting sites.

Then there are the woman of Instagram, exceeded only in obnoxiousness by those on TikTok. The following captures well what’s really going on with those endless photo streams.

I wonder how many dates and marriages will result from all this, or is it all just hookup culture? I guess we’ll know in a few years via surveys.

Back in the real world, increasingly meaning the old world, there were caches of things more valuable than butt-shots.

Is that stack of $500 notes Confederate money? A DDG search says no, and the same for the Union, so perhaps it’s Mexican? I don’t recognise the dude in the picture. Readers are invited to guess or find out. I suppose whoever planted this stash either died or never found their way back to their hiding place.

Jumping back a century or so is another tale of a hard-living chap.

As Captain Benjamin L. Willard would say: “A Tough Mother Fucker!”

And they’re still around. Looks like Hideaki Akaiwa’s story was real enough for Wikipedia, but I’m surprised I’ve never heard of him despite watching several documentaries on the 2011 Japanese Tsunami, given how often we focus on one person’s story amidst many. The lack of body cam video means it can’t compete with Reality TV!

Then there are these heroes, who managed to be heroes while having fun. MUCH FUN.

I wonder why Ferrari, who I think of as the quintessential Italian sport car, have been beaten out for this role by Lamborghini. Also – given that I doubt even modern developments in automotive technology have changed the Italians that much, in that they still love their manual gear shifts – what must the service costs on these babies be like, given Lamborghini’s history.

More history.

And as a final sop to history there’s the story of the sequel to the semi-famous TV series of the late 1990’s, Sex and The City. I saw glimpses of it from time-to-time because it was truly a chick-flick and I never got what was so great about living the loves and travails of four glamorous mid-30’s White Woman in NYC. Still, a lot of ladies around the world loved the characters and their joys and sorrows, all happening in stunningly fashionable clothes and apartments in the New York City of Rudy Guliani, meaning when it wasn’t a shithole like the 1970’s or today.

As a result these fans, now aged twenty more years, were filled with anticipation for the sequel. Had they known any Star Wars fans they’d have guessed what they were in for.

The show is fucking awful, it’s even getting panned by woke Leftie fans who were wanting more than the original four White-girls world. One writer summed it up pretty well by saying that “the writers clearly hate the characters, hate the show and hate the fans”. They even hated the original name and called this one, And Just Like That, which is hopeless. Who could have done this? Fans investigated and…

Yep. The lead writer is someone who hates the characters, hates the show and hates the fans.

So not a celebration then.

Written by Tom Hunter

January 19, 2022 at 6:00 am

Finest Laziness

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I’m a very lazy man myself, so appreciated the following story spotted by one of my kids on the Reddit forum.

Written by Tom Hunter

January 18, 2022 at 2:38 pm

Posted in Humour

Tagged with

SMILE

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Lemon Pickers Needed” – ad in the newspaper.

Ms. Sally Mulligan of Papakura, Auckland, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most New Zealanders are not willing to do.

She submitted her application for a job in Te Puke as a Lemon Fruit picker, but seemed far too qualified for the job.

She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Wellington , and a master’s degree from Otago.

For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher.

The owner studied her application, frowned, and said, “I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume.

“However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have,” she said… “I’ve been divorced three times, owned two Holdens, voted twice for Winston, and once for Jacinda.”

She started work yesterday.

Written by The Veteran

January 14, 2022 at 12:49 pm

Posted in Humour

“Friends”

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Let’s start our Wednesday humour with a some laughter at fanatics, in particular tribal fanatics. The background to the following is that thousands of motorists were trapped on the I-95 expressway in Virginia by a snowstorm. This led to blame being attached to the Governor – sort of.

On such people are political parties based.

Which is why the politicians they vote for can get away with stunts like this.

Meh. The circle turns. All these senior Democrats, aside from Bernie Sanders, supported the claims of WMD and the invasion of Iraq twenty years ago. I wonder if Bernie was there and also shook Dick’s hand.

Meantime there are new rules of dining etiquette for our modern world:

Not needed when eating the following because by that stage it’s impossible to pretend you have class.

Which brings us to one of the eternal questions. Which is best? Naturally enough it’s the American breakfast for me because cooked tomatoes and baked beans is just a crime, although I have to admit it took me a while to get used to pancakes and maple syrup with bacon to start the day.

Here’s the YouTube video on the subject by Joshua Weissman (his cooking is a lot of fun)

Must get hold of a book about these guys. Perhaps our readers know of some.

More military stuff. Clever engineers.

Meantime the satire of the Babylon Bee (Fake News You Can Trust) continues to later turn into accurate news, especially of the Tone-Deaf2

It seems that only death will remove the Clinton’s from our lives, but likely not before they exact their revenge on those who have failed them, including American voters. I see that Ghislaine Maxwell has managed to be convicted for her selection and grooming activities for Jeffrey Epstein – and other men of note – without having to spill all the beans about those flights on the Lolita Express. She may survive jail then.

Finally – because we still can’t escape the Chinese Lung Rot virus, just realise that we are now being governed by these people…

Written by Tom Hunter

January 12, 2022 at 9:24 am

Posted in Humour

The New Salesman

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I don’t know how many of you are into fishing (more golf I suspect), but it seems to have become a passion for several of my old varsity mates as they age.

Anyway…

A Young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum cleaner salesman back in North Dakota.” Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

“How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”.

The boss says “Just ONE?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”

The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65”.

The boss, astonished, says, “$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so i took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition.”

The Boss says, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?” 

The kid says, “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing’

And if you didn’t like that joke, here’s something pretty.

Written by Tom Hunter

January 7, 2022 at 6:00 pm

Posted in Humour

Is it 2023 already?

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I ask because it seems to me that 2020 and 2021 just merged together to be one, extra-long, shitty year, so I have low expectations for 2022.

Not that either year has been bad for me. In fact the days hardly seemed different to those of the last few years aside from the lack of international travel – or travel.

Our Christmas and New Years was very much like this, except in the case of the latter we had vaccinated friends over who apparently were not terrified of being around the unclean.

So with any luck we’ll see a decline in seeing things like this through the year.

For those who are still terrified there’s good news.

Plus a return to normality for the Left, who will be able to go back to hating their usual hate objects.

Especially that small corner of the Left, being the “anti-fascists”.

In the wake of the collapse in public support for the “anti-fascists” and their friends in the Burn Loot Murder brigades perhaps we’ll also see a decline in the teaching of Critical Race Theory and a focus on the real problems facing POC (People of Color).

However, given how valuable a tool the theory of Disparate Impact is in finding racism where there’s no racism I’d bet the claims won’t go away and other theories aside from CRT will slowly arise to explain the causes of it. That will be too slow for this coming year; more like the coming decade. This year will be about killing off CRT while its proponents continue to gaslight about how it’s not what it is: the teaching of racism.

Written by Tom Hunter

January 2, 2022 at 7:29 am

Posted in Humour

Immigrant Song

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Spotted in an Auckland street late last year, The March of Migrants… whatever the hell that means. But the BLM symbol is the real key piece of information here.

It seems that things are cooling off for BLM in the US this year, with their public popularity dropping to below that of Congress, at 2%, down from 24% in 2020.

That should not be a surprise, given what it meant in practice, as explained by the doyens of Critical Race Theory like the grifter Ibram Henry Rogers:

In other year-to-year contrasts, there’s an almost endless list along the following lines.

Since Karl Rittenhouse was found innocent of murdering two Antifa’s and badly wounding a third trying to kill him it seems that BLM’s stable mates have decided the Ye Olde US Constitution might be helpful to them.


In doing so they reveal how little they know about US gun laws. Considering the amount of criminal convictions a lot of these assholes have I’d say their chances of legally getting a gun, let alone a CCL, are slim to none, especially in the Deep Blue areas of the US where they wreck people and things.

Vaccine passports you say? They’re nothing compared to this baby.

I don’t usually say much about my homeland but recent events must be addressed, starting with why the Presbyterian church in Remuera has to use the Pope to reinforce this message.

Was all that English reformation stuff just for laughs then? Perhaps I should not be surprised when I read stuff like this, US church founded in 1800 holds last service. They got twenty five people into the last Christmas Mass at The First Presbyterian Church of Bellefonte in Pennsylvania.

Meantime the owners of bars in downtown Auckland might start considering praying to the Pope.

Yeah, but many people have to cross Queen Street to get to these places, and who the hell wants to do that nowadays. Besides, kids are drinking a lot less these days, not to mention saving their pennies for a very uncertain future.

I was not aware of it of course but apparently there’s been some cringe effort on Twitter to buck up people’s spirit by worshipping another deity, #ChurArdern.

Judging by other responses it’s not going quite as well as the planners hoped.

Could be worse. We could be Australia.

Written by Tom Hunter

December 30, 2021 at 9:19 am

Posted in Humour, New Zealand

NORAD tracks Brandon

with one comment

You’d think that the US MSM had bigger fish to fry, what with the arrival of the dreaded and deadly ZOMG OMICRON mutant of C-19 and all sorts of economic problems in America.

But no.

No, it’s far more important that they rally around their designated godhead to defend him against the slings and arrows of outraged citizens. Or in this case, an amused citizen who decided to have a bit of fun with “President” Biden.

It’s been the tradition since 1955 for NORAD to use their radar systems to track Santa on his way from the North Pole, and this year the “President” decided to join in the fun as little kids across America called in to find out where Santa was. Then this happened:

Oh dear. Over the years we’ve had films and plays centered around the assassinations of Dubya and Trump, and Kathy Griffin posing with Trump’s bloody severed head and a thousand “Fuck Trump” calls from celebrities.

But what this guy did to Biden was far worse; he actually showed that Joe Biden is non compos mentis and in doing so revealed that someone(s) else is running the show. Naked emperor or Frank Morgan behind the curtain. Take your pick.

Or perhaps it’s his wife Jill. You can see the shock register on her face: she knows what the phrase means even if the dementia-ridden old wreck beside her does not. Seriously, do all these people have to keep Soft-Serve Joe insulated from the real world?

The US media promptly had a meltdown and swung into action. Rather than making the lead story about Biden not knowing what the hell is going on, they huffed and puffed about how horrible this was. NBC actually described it as “a Right-wing slur”, which is ironic because it was an NBC reporter who coined the phrase after she claimed she “misheard” chants of “Fuck Joe Biden!” at a NASCAR race, and set the meme in motion.

They were going to find out who this asshole was – and make him pay – and they have. Video of the other end of the call was located on Social Media and the guy was identified as one Jared Schmeck from Oregon:

folks on the left have now used that video to doxx the guy, put a name to the face, and are trying to hurt him at his alleged place of employment. They have his alleged name, the local government job he supposedly has, and that he works for a family business. They’re trying to out him to the government job so that job will take some action against him.

[They] have even posted his real address, the name of his wife, and the names of members of his family. Given the way that people fold like cheap suits when faced with the mob, I don’t doubt that they might be able to get this guy punished in some way by his employer or even fired. They’re also talking about trying to hurt the family business.

Actually this is nothing new. Years ago during his Presidential campaign, Obama was doing the usual neighbourhood meet-and-greet and got into a debate with some guy throwing a football around his front yard with his kid. Barack was in full spread-the-wealth-around mode and the guy did not agree. The guy got doxxed to hell.

A couple of years later some rodeo clown wore an Obama mask (as he had with the masks of other Presidents). Obama could have made a public reference to how it’s a fine old American tradition to mock their leaders but he didn’t, letting his worshippers apply “public pressure” to the rodeo and getting the guy fired. Apparently you can unify a nation while “getting in people’s faces” and “punching back twice as hard.”

Schmeck, is now getting death threats:

“At the end of the day, I have nothing against Mr. Biden, but I am frustrated because I think he can be doing a better job,” said Jared Schmeck, who works for an electric company and was previously a Medford police officer for six years until he resigned in July 2018. “I mean no disrespect to him.”

Oh buddy. If you’re going to go on Social Media the first thing you need to understand is that apologies and explanations are just throwing blood in the water to these SJW assholes. Better to go on the attack by telling these people that they’re just pissed because he pulled back the curtain on a truth they deny.

Written by Tom Hunter

December 28, 2021 at 10:04 am