No Minister

Posts Tagged ‘Black Humour

The North Face: an outstanding company

I don’t think I own any North Face gear, or ever have, though I do think their line of outdoor clothing is stylish.

Apparently the company likes stylish things across the board, especially those which let its customers know that it cares about more than just profits, but the Earth itself:

Innovex is based in Houston and has nearly 100 workers in the Permian Basin.

Each year, the company gets a Christmas gift for its employees. This year, it was supposed to be a North Face jacket with an Innovex logo, a company Innovex has ordered gear from in the past.

The company providing the jackets said The North Face doesn’t want to support the oil and gas industry in the same way they’d reject the porn industry or tobacco industry.

“They told us we did not meet their brand standards,” Innovex CEO Anderson said. “We were separately informed that what that really meant is was that we were an oil and gas company.”

[North Face said that it] “thoroughly investigates product requests to ensure they align closely with our goals and commitments surrounding sustainability and environmental protection.”

Take that you disgusting, Global Warming, despoilers of Gaia! Begone from our customer’s ranks! No more will our skiers have to be ashamed at wearing the same clothes as some deplorable oil driller. Virtue and purity hath returned to our world.

Unfortunately for North Face their management turned out to be pretty ignorant about their own products and it didn’t take long for somebody in the fossil fuel industry to strike back – but in an unexpected way:

The Colorado Oil and Gas Association has bestowed its first-ever “Extraordinary Customer Award” on The North Face, saying it appreciates the company for its abundant use of oil and gas.

“To have such a large percent of what they make, probably three-quarters of the mass they ship is actually our product. So, it’s hard to top the all-in nature of The North Face as a consumer of our product,” said Chris Wright, CEO of Liberty Oilfield Services.

Fantastic stuff and now a US state government, Louisiana, has made it official with a resolution passed last week, that recognized The North Face as an “extraordinary customer” of “the Louisiana oil and gas petrochemical industries.”

The resolution highlights the “symbiotic relationship between the Louisiana oil and gas and petrochemical industry and The North Face,” commending the clothing company for “utilizing vital oil and gas resources so important to our state.”

“The North Face continues to offer a comprehensive collection of high-performance outerwear, skiwear, backpacks, duffels, and footwear made with nylon, polyester, and polyurethane, all of which come from petroleum products,” the resolution reads.

Congratulations to The North Face for these well-deserved awards.

In fact I’m so pleased about this that I think I shall go and buy a new ski jacket, and while looking at the products in the store I shall certainly offer voluble and effusive commentary in commending them on their wonderfully high use of fossil fuels.

I’m sure their sales people and customers will also be pleased with my visit.

Written by Tom Hunter

May 14, 2021 at 11:05 am

We shall defend our Island…

Not a headline I expected to see in the early 21st century.

Apparently it’s something to do with fishing vessels

A Franco-British feud over access to prime fishing waters escalated on Thursday as the two countries deployed patrol and navy ships near the Channel island of Jersey.

Access to Britain’s rich fishing waters was a major sticking point in post-Brexit talks. A transition period was agreed in which EU fishermen would give up 25 percent of their current quotas — the equivalent of 650 million euros per year — in 2026. The deal would then be renegotiated every year.

Until then, EU vessels have access to an area between six to 12 nautical miles from Britain’s coast, but they have to ask for new licenses.

This is where things got complicated.

The French side says London acted outside of the deal by tightening conditions for access to UK waters

Basically a repeat of the Great Cod War of the mid-1970’s then. Not until reading that Wiki did I realise that there had been similar stoushes in the early 1970’s and 1958-1961.

It seems the French are already turning to the comfort of land warfare, where they have a history of far more success against the British than at sea:

“We’re ready to resort to retaliatory measures” that are in the Brexit accord, Girardin told lawmakers in the National Assembly on Tuesday.

“Concerning Jersey, I’ll remind you of the transport of electricity via submarine cables,” she added. “I would regret it if we have to do it, but we’ll do it if we have to.”

Anyway, I don’t think we should treat this as entirely funny because, as the great Edmund Blackadder once said:

Doesn’t anyone know? We hate the French! We fight wars against them!

Did all those men die in vain on the field at Agincourt?

Was the man who burned Joan of Arc simply wasting good matches?

Written by Tom Hunter

May 10, 2021 at 5:32 pm

A visit to the Shire

Why any President would want to pay a visit to a man who had one of the most failed Presidencies ever is a question in itself.

It’s not like Jimmy Carter did much in foreign or domestic policy that is remembered with respect. Whether policy or executive decisions most of what he did either did not work (energy policies for example) or was counter-productive (Iran). About the only thing I can think of that Carter got right was cranking up the development and production of new weapon systems after the USSR invaded Afghanistan in 1979, something that his successor got the blame/praise for.

Moreover, within the Democrat Party itself he never built any sort of group that had influence down the line, as the Clinton’s did. He was dropped like a hot stone after the disastrous 1980 election that set the scene for the age of Reagan in that decade. Carter got the blame for allowing that to happen and was not seen during the presidential run of his VP, Mondale, in 1984, or later Democrat contenders like Dukakis, Clinton and so forth.

But Biden is part of that ancient history, so perhaps it was simply the nostalgia of an old man. However, the way it was played by his spin merchants is…. weird to say the least.

WTF is that? It’s like Gandalf visiting the hobbits. It’s possibly the most insane photo of a Presidential couple that I’ve ever seen. Even if it’s a trick of the lens, why the hell would you not photoshop it a bit to make it look more normal?

Perhaps it’s symbolic: My Presidency will be like Jimmy’s – only bigger!

Speaking of symbolism you’ll notice that Biden is not wearing a mask while he visits this old, frail couple, unlike his infamous Zoom meeting with other world leaders a few weeks ago. However, when it came time to leave…

Symbolism can be important, especially when it involves a national leader, but this is just stupid, especially in the wake of recent CDC recommendations regarding wearing masks, not to mention the fact that much of the American population stopped wearing masks weeks ago, especially outside.

Finally I’ll leave it with this, which I think sums the Biden’s up pretty well.

Written by Tom Hunter

May 7, 2021 at 9:39 am

It was a good laptop, Marilyn, and I liked it.

No matter how crazy you think the USA can be, there will always be some real news out of the nation that beats your fictional idea hands down.

One of the latest comes out of Alaska where the Anchorage Daily News interviewed a woman named Marilyn Hueper about how she got raided by the FBI:

Hueper said the agents broke down her door Wednesday morning as she, her husband and some guests were asleep. When she asked why they didn’t just knock, she was told that they did, but no one answered, so the agents went to get breakfast. When they returned, they knocked again, and when no one answered, they broke open the door, she said.

Hueper said the officers had guns drawn and handcuffed her, her husband and their guests. She and her husband were put in different rooms and couldn’t see what was happening as the officers searched, according to Hueper.

Sounds serious. The FBI thought they had the right suspect:

An officer pulled out a photo of a woman in the Capitol on Jan. 6 and asked if she knew who the woman was. Hueper was surprised, she said, because the woman looked like her and had a coat like one she owns. But Hueper said she’s never had a sweater like one the woman was wearing in a second picture.

Hueper said she was able to point to other photos, provided later in the interview, to show differences in her appearance from the woman shown. The woman in the photo has detached earlobes — hers are attached. The other woman also has a different brow shape, Hueper said, adding that she’s never worn the kind of high boots that the woman wore.

“This chick looks like she has detached earlobes, which makes me jealous,” Marilyn Hueper said of the woman in the screen grabs. “I’ve always wanted detached earlobes.”

Don’t we all. But it turns out that this was not about any charge of trespassing, let alone “sedition” or “insurrection”.

You may recall such terms being thrown around after Jan 6 by hysterics and Democrat partisan axe grinders looking for their own Reichstag Fire moment.

No, this was about a laptop. A very special laptop:

“And they said, ‘Well, we’re here for Nancy Pelosi’s laptop.’ And I said, ‘Oh, so it was stolen and it’s at large, good to know. I thought maybe it was just conspiracy theory, so thanks for the intel,’” she said.

Heh. She sounds like a very cool customer. It was actually confirmed way back in early January by Pelosi’s COS that one of her laptops was missing, but “was only used for presentations.” Well sure, but there could still be some very juicy stuff on there and I’m sure Botox Pelosi wants it back.

Sending the FBI to get it is probably a mistake however, given their recent standards of investigation, as evidenced by the picture on the right that they recently submitted in a criminal complaint.

In addition, if the USA wanted actual comedians who enjoyed puncturing the pompous and the powerful, you really couldn’t do better than using this story of the FBI, Pelosi’s laptop and Alaska as the basis of a parody skit.

I very much doubt Saturday Night Live or any of the late-night comedic hosts will do so, but if they do here’s the famous movie scene they could use:

Written by Tom Hunter

May 2, 2021 at 3:00 pm

Shakespeare in Heaven

Walter Mondale died a few days ago at the age of 93. A good innings by any standard.

Most people, perhaps even quite a few political tragics, would be unaware of Mondale, but he was fairly prominent part of the modern Democrat Party, rising to prominence from the mid-1960’s on as a Senator before serving as Vice-President in Jimmy Carter’s doomed administration.

He would then go on to run for the Presidency in 1984, where his Old Democrat ideas surrounding unions and taxation were soundly thrashed in a landslide loss to Ronald Reagan. After that he basically disappeared into the world of good works that used to be the destination of politicians, before the world of Washington D.C. influence and power-broking became the norm.

You can read about Mondale at the first link, which is Wikipedia, but it’s this article in McSweeny’s Magazine, riffing on Mondale’s death, that I thought you might find amusing. Mondale gets to heaven where he encounters The Bard and commits a gigantic faux pa:

So, Walter Mondale shows up in heaven the other day, and I’m all eager to talk to him because I’m kind of a political junkie — see Richard III — but before I can say anything, he’s like, “So?” And I’m like, “So, what?” And then he goes, “So, did you really write them?” And I’m like, “Write what?”

The writer has some fun with the well-known arguments around Shakespeare:

You guys weren’t going to tell me this? How has nobody ever mentioned this to me?

I look over, and Christopher Marlowe is giving Mondale that “stop talking” throat slash gesture thingy, but it’s too late. Apparently, whenever anyone shows up in heaven, someone pulls them aside and is like, “Don’t mention the Shakespeare authorship thing to you-know-you.”

But no one caught Mondale slipping in ’cause they all thought he was already dead. Fair enough. I thought he was dead too.

And then Shakespeare really gets pissed off:

So first of all, fuck that. Do you think it takes a long time to watch Hamlet? Try writing it. In verse. Also, when has this insane theory ever been applied anywhere else? “Gee, Hamilton was great. I bet Prince Charles really wrote that, not Lin-Manuel Miranda.” Or, “Fleabag was fun. I bet Sir Ringo Starr was behind that.” I mean, my name was on the marquee! 

Read the whole thing

Written by Tom Hunter

April 29, 2021 at 3:06 pm

Not a mask but a sickbag

One of the larger questions about the great NeverTrump insanity was whether these people would ever return to a normal level of rational skepticism if the walking root vegetable named Joe Biden was elected.

Judging by the following I guess the answer is twofold: “No” and “We love The Big Guy”.

The following YouTube clip stars Randy Rainbow doing one of his usual parodies where he spoofs an interview with some famous figure and then kicks off a song about it. His resemblance to Peewee Herman is not surprising.

The following clip is with Joe Biden and the song about the Chinese Sinus Rot vaccines is based on the classic, “Mr Sandman”. While I’d like to think it’s “parody” it’s pretty clear that, like the rest of the US media, he’s going to do everything he can to prop up Biden.

I mean when you have lines like…

They call you “sleepy” but you’re pretty woke.

… I’d say it’s not parody but full fellatio worship.

He’s hardly alone of course. The other day during an interview with Dan Rather (of course), “comedienne”, Samantha Bee, admitted that she’s going easy on Biden:

Rather: “In other words, you, myself, and a lot of people, more or less free-swingers against President Trump,” Rather continued. “But now that Biden is in, I don’t know, do you find yourself sometimes saying, ‘Oh boy, there’s a nasty comedy bit I can unload on Biden,’ but saying to yourself, ‘I approve of him so much I’m going to pull this punch?’”

Bee: “I can’t deny that that has happened, I think that’s probably true across the board,” Bee said. “You’re like, ‘OK, well, we could be making jokes about the infrastructure plan,’ but in general, I’m like, ‘Wow, this is great.’ Why would I purposefully undermine something that seems to be a great idea, pretty much across the board?”

Wow. How pathetic is that? Still, I can’t say I’m surprised. Saturday Night Live has pretty much collapsed on joking about the new US President, and they don’t even have the excuse they made during the Obama years, as their longtime specialist in political jokes, Jim Downey, explained in 2014:

“If I had to describe Obama as a comedy project, I would say, ‘Degree of difficulty, 10 point 10,’

It’s like being a rock climber looking up at a thousand-foot-high face of solid obsidian, polished and oiled,” Downey says. “There’s not a single thing to grab onto — certainly not a flaw or hook that you can caricature.

That statement itself is comedy gold, and could be made into a great parody skit by SNL about SNL – if they had any self-awareness or comedic talent and a sense of humour, or at least a sense of the absurd.

This is how far US comedy has fallen from the glory years of a few decades ago. I’d like to think that Lenny Bruce would shoot these useless bastards – and then make obscene jokes about them.

Still, on the song front we haven’t seen the following about Biden. Give it time though and the Lefty Worshippers may get there in the next four years.

He said that all must lend a hand
To make this country strong again
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said we must be fair today
Equal work means equal pay
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

Written by Tom Hunter

April 19, 2021 at 9:06 pm

Let them eat $600

There is no doubt that the recent ructions in Washington D.C. from the crowds of Deplorables was driven partly by anger about the Presidential election.

But I think it overlooks another factor, which is the incredible degree of economic punishment that ordinary people have suffered in 2020 thanks to the lockdowns by various state governments. Millions of people have lost their jobs, businesses and incomes.

Moreover they’ve seen that the technocrat class has done well out of the Chinese Lung Rot lockdowns. People who can work from home and government workers have not missed a single paycheck, and IT billionaires have made out like bandits, with the likes of Bezos (Amazon), Zuckerberg (Facebook) and others seeing their wealth increase by tens of billions as their online companies became even more vital for delivering goods and services.

As a result the recent budget passed by the US Federal government, at 5000 pages plus, was an appalling slap in the face and an insult to tens of millions of ordinary Americans. The resulting anger may be more slow-burning than for political causes like Trump, but it’s there.

Yes. Yes it is, in addition to the messages about how some riots – the ones that screw you up – are acceptable, while others – the ones that might harm the precious hides of your rulers – are unacceptable.

Members of Congress are still mystified to find that in repeated opinon polls over the last couple of decades the American public rates them lower than prostitutes and used car dealers.

Written by Tom Hunter

January 14, 2021 at 11:15 am

You just can’t make this stuff up!

Except that it turns out you can.

Or at least the great Tatania McGrath can!.

I’ve referred to Xer before, in the post, No Parody. Only Truth.

But recently Tatania listed a bunch of Xer predictions that had come true.

You can read the Twitter thread where real-life news and press releases from the likes of The New England Journal of Medicine are displayed, but a brief example includes:


  • On 22 December 2018, I called for biological sex to be removed from birth certificates.
    • On 17 December 2020, the New England Journal of Medicine concurred.
  • On 1 October 2019, I suggested that young women should be encouraged to travel alone in rural Pakistan.
    • On 12 October 2019, Forbes Magazine concurred.
  • On 19 September 2018, I criticised Julie Andrews (aka Mary Poppins) for chimney soot blackface.
    • On 28 January 2019, the New York Times concurred.

In the face of this the writers of The Onion must surely give up trying to write satire or parody of our world, although the folks at The Babylon Bee seem to be doing well.

Written by Tom Hunter

December 30, 2020 at 6:00 am

Normal Service Has Resumed

God, not even before Christmas Day has ended.

Oh well. This is a political blog after all.

But hopefully some of you will enjoy this variation (there have been many) on a famous American poem about Christmas, A Visit from St. Nicholas (1823). It has been parodied many times.

The poem has been called “arguably the best-known verses ever written by an American” and is largely responsible for some of the conceptions of Santa Claus from the mid-nineteenth century to today. It has had a massive effect on the history of Christmas gift-giving. Before the poem gained wide popularity, American ideas had varied considerably about Saint Nicholas and other Christmastide visitors.

So here we go.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land,
not a creature was stirring, for all things were banned.
Opponents were hung on the wide web with care,
in hopes that conformity soon would be theirs.

The children were nestled behind glowing screens,
While visions of childhood danced in their dreams.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief and I in my mask,
Had just settled in from a glum shopping task.

Then out in the lawn, there arose such a clatter,
I flung open the door to see what was the matter.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little old man, in full hazmat gear.

He stuttered and yawned and tried so to hide it,
I knew in a moment it must be Joe Biden.
More rapid than eagles, his toadies they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name;

“Now Comey, now Brennan, McCabe and uh, Clapper,
On Schiff and on Struck, on Pelosi and Schumer.
We’ll steal this election and tear down that wall,
Then cash away, bash away, dash away all.”

“There’s no Christmas this year, only virus and fear,
We’ll all wear our masks; from each other steer clear.
Till every last monument tumbles and falls,
Then Kamala can be the dear leader of all.”

“With freedom in ruins, our plans are completed,
Now the rest of our communist friends can be seated.”
Then he stumbled and mumbled as he ducked out of sight,
“Happy Earth day to all, and bring on the long night.”

Written by Tom Hunter

December 25, 2020 at 10:10 pm

Posted in Humour, US Politics, USA

Tagged with

Japan still trying to figure out Christmas

Back in the early 90’s when I subscribed to The Economist magazine there was a farewell article by a retiring reporter that mentioned a stint he had in Japan in the 1970’s.

He was well-travelled so rarely suffered from Culture Shock and instead enjoyed the wierd and wonderful differences from his English upbringing.

However, one anecdote I found highly amusing, as did he. Walking past some massive department store street-front windows at Christmas time he noted one display in particular featuring Santa Claus. The Japanese store had almost everything correct; the fake snow, reindeer, the jolly grin and white beard, Rubenesque figure, red suit and so forth. Except for one very prominent thing.

He was nailed to a large cross!

I know that there are not a lot of Christians in Japan but surely the store managers and workers might have known even one with whom they could check the details.

I thought of this story when I saw the following recent photograph of another Japanese Christmas display, that shows they’re no closer to figuring out the event.

Written by Tom Hunter

December 20, 2020 at 3:57 pm

Posted in Humour

Tagged with ,