No Minister

Posts Tagged ‘Black Humour

K… K… K… Karl Marx and his never-ending story

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Way back on October 8 I wrote a post about Biden’s nominee for the position of Office of Comptroller of the Currency, Saule Omarova:

The OCC charters, regulates, and supervises all national banks and federal savings associations as well as federal branches and agencies of foreign banks. The OCC is an independent bureau of the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

I titled that post, Karl Marx’s Economic Analysis and the Theory of Revolution in The Capital, since that was the title of her Masters Thesis at Moscow State University in the late 1980’s. I left it at that. The comments section closes automatically after two weeks to avoid spam.

Probably a good thing, because since then the bloody post has shown up every single day in the stats. I can only assume that around the world people are tapping the title of her thesis into their search engines in the hope of finding the original document, and ending up here at No Minister.

Sorry folks. I looked for it too at the MSU archives but no luck, and Ms Omarova is keeping her copy under lock and key. I don’t know why though as it couldn’t be any more damaging than what is already known about the Commie fanatic.

Written by Tom Hunter

November 19, 2021 at 11:02 am

The Lemon Song

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Is it Thursday?

That must mean I missed my usual Wednesday publication of entirely random stuff that turns up on the computer.

Oh well, that just puts me closer to Halloween. I see a few gateways and doorways have been done up around our neighbourhood but I assume they’ll be no Trick-Or-Treating this year. Parents may just take their little tykes around to look at the displays.

Actually the following could well be a real situation rather than satire.

As always the Babylon Bee has suggestions for costumes.

One Halloween costume I’ve never seen is that of a Samurai Warrior.

Admittedly, dressing up in costumes is so much everyday life nowadays.

S

Speaking of costumes the most famous external underpants wearer has had a makeover, with the latest development of Superman in the old world of comic books now being all about his son – and he’s gay because of course he is, and he no longer talks of Truth, Justice and The American Way because that’s just embarrassing nowadays. The Bee again:

This development will, of course, kill off DC Comic Books even further since their market was primarily cisgendered teenage boys. The only unrealistic thing about the following cartoon is that there really is nothing left to burn or save.

Meantime the real Clark Kent’s of our age are hot on the trail of today’s criminals – which is likely you or anybody with a sense of humour.

I’m literally shaking. Meantime in the USA another political “leader” also continues to have his nose tweaked with further developments of a theme that’s sweeping the nation.

That’s hardly a surprise given the problems hitting “President” Biden at the moment, with economic woes now moving ahead of concerns over pandemics. It always amuses me when Democrats get themselves in trouble, then try to defend the indefensible and then do so with arguments that are even worse than the problem they’re trying to cover up. The last time I recall this happening was in 2009 when the economy chose not to boom under Obama, leading to terms like “Funemployment” being created. But even that was better than this.

Yeah, I can smell the nostalgia for Soviet breadlines from here. Basically it’s all part of the plan.

I didn’t track down where the following came from but I’d bet it’s the New Yorker magazine as it’s both their cartoon style and subject matter.

Written by Tom Hunter

October 28, 2021 at 8:42 am

Posted in Humour

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At last, some serious commentary

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As a serious political commentator this is what I’ve been waiting for.

If you thought photoshopping Jacinda into Der Führer’s uniform was bad, well,,,,, it looks like somebody has finally taken the classic Downfall bunker scene – a clip that has been the source of so many parodies over the years that it has its own YouTube channel – and applied it to our beloved Prime Minister (and her little friends).

As Downfall parodies go this one’s pretty good although I hate the caption font. There’s one slip up on a caption vs audio bit but they actually manage to get the reference to Stalin placed correctly, which most don’t bother with.

As ever, fluent speakers of German will not be able to enjoy this (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!)

Ganz gave what most people consider the most accurate and greatest portrayal of Adolf Hitler on screen, in the 2004 movie Downfall, which focuses on the final days of the Third Reich in the Berlin “Fuhrerbunker”.

The most famous scene in the movie – the one above – was where Hitler loses the plot completely. He finds out that one of his generals, Steiner, has not carried out the counter-attack Hitler ordered and accuses Steiner of simply refusing the order. He goes on to accuse all the Wehrmacht generals of being cowards and having constantly betrayed and lied to him, and so forth. It’s a terrifyingly awesome and yet pathetic meltdown.

And it was made for parody.

We’ll see how long this stays up before some member of the Branch Covidian cult demands it be taken down.

Written by Tom Hunter

October 23, 2021 at 1:55 pm

NKVD or Gestapo: which fits better?

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I’m going to add the following two photoshopped pictures to the media library of No Minister where they can be used by other authors here in their posts, since the rest of the NM collective focuses on New Zealand.

But I thought I’d give readers an opportunity to debate which one is the more suitable.

First up is the classic: Der Führer Jacinda.

We all know this one. That armband swastika really jumps out at you and the Nazis are the go-to boogeyman in every fictional TV show and movie that deals with the past century, or connects our present – and sometimes our future – with totalitarian regimes.

But I always feel that this comparison is too easy, even if in our present situation we have a government using the private sector to work its will.

So to our second choice. General Secretary Adern.

Personally this one is my preference simply to balance up the totalitarian comparison game. Admittedly we’re also more into the dreary world of the Stasi than the mass murdering NKVD, given how New Zealand is operating with the use of willing Informeller Mitarbeiters.

I suppose Jacinda in a Mao suit might be even more appropriate, given how we kowtow to the CCP nowadays. I’ll talk to the photoshop artist.

Written by Tom Hunter

October 23, 2021 at 6:38 am

Ganging up on humour

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We have links to two satirical sites here at NM: The Civilian and Imperator Fish.

But I’d not heard of Stuffed.net before now. Given their slogan (NZ’S Real Fake News) it looks like they’re trying to be the Babylon Bee of NZ.

Anyhoo…

Covid vaccine rates have climbed among gang members after their leaders have tried a new approach: threats of extreme violence. ‘It’s more in keeping with our culture,’ said Mongrel Mob leader Harry Munta. ‘The guys really get the point when we threaten to knee cap them with a tire iron. They turn up at the vaccine centre the next day.’

‘I got it done for my whanau, my community and my face. Harry was going to smash it in if I didn’t.’ said Rua Jones from the Taupo chapter.

‘Yes the mob have been very useful in motivating their members to get the jab,’ enthused one official from the Health Department. ‘We have learnt a lot from their methods. Next week we are starting a nation-wide campaign targeting the vaccine hesitant. The slogan will be: Get vaccinated or we will rip your arms out of your sockets and beat you to the death with them. We are sure it will be a big success.’

Taking a look at Chris Trotter’s two most recent articles (Introducing Mr Stick.and Why Is Labour So Frightened Of “Mr Stick”? (plus his commentators), I found myself not laughing at that last bit.

Written by Tom Hunter

October 9, 2021 at 7:55 pm

According to Medical Experts, these people are not insane.

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You see, the screen capture here is that of a joke. Some fun being made of people driven insane with fear by the Chinese Lung Rot virus.

Unfortunately once you’ve finished chuckling at that, or perhaps a Babylon Bee satire on such things, you then have to face the dreadful reality that there are such people.

And they walk among us – not spreading the Xi Snot virus of course, but something much worse.

Insanity

Perhaps this is the grim, forseeable future that Mr Baker warned about the other day?

Written by Tom Hunter

September 8, 2021 at 2:26 pm

The Truth shall set you free

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One of the great things about our age is the tremendous amount of computer power available to ordinary people, enabling them to do the sort of work that even ten or twenty years ago would have required rooms full of servers costings millions of dollars.

Fifty years ago it would not have been possible to edit video without a building full of hard-wired machinery, plus a stack of experts.

But now, someone with a sense of fun and plenty of time on their hands can produce the following. Enjoy pricking the balloon of our pompous leading buffoons.

Written by Tom Hunter

September 2, 2021 at 5:18 pm

Your new Taliban 2.0

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Salaam Alaikum.

You’ve been that friend who rejoices with friends in their good times and sticks with them through the bad times. 

Congratulations on your purchase and installation of the new Taliban 2.0 Operating System.

We realise that twenty years is a long time to wait for an upgrade but thanks to a donation of $1 trillion from US taxpayers and a lot of blood, toil, tears and sweat (mainly blood), we’re back.

And better than ever.

The original Taliban OS was specifically designed to run on the Afghan hardware platform, and while this is still the best fit we are making great strides in enabling the OS to be rigid and powerful enough to bend any environment to its will.

The key performance OS component supporting this functionality is the Sharia Law Memory Management system, which allows you to select and wipe away any development since the 7th century. In particular the system can quickly render 57 Western genders into just two: male and breeding stock.

Backing this up is a new and more powerful Loading and Execution engine which enables thousands of non-conforming hardware units to be quickly deleted, based on your customisable preferences, thus enabling a clean reset of your hardware environment whenever desired.

The LE engine has been combined with advances in Security Management, with the new Door-To-Door biometric track and trace function, which enables surgical precision in wiping out incompatible hardware while still allowing mass deletions if so desired.

The Device Management engine has also been significantly enhanced. We know how well you’ve done with backpacks, mules, AK-74s and RPGs. But think what you’ll be able to do with BlackHawk and Mi-17 helicopters, A-29 Super Tucano attack planes, $3 million ScanEagle drones, armoured Humvees and MRAPs.

However, the advance of which we are most proud has been with the I/O Management function which enables Taliban 2.0 to know more about the outside world, specifically Americans, than they know about Taliban 2.0.

These features allow Taliban 2.0 to smoothly integrate with most Social Media apps. This integration is even superior to that of former President “Cursed Infidel Slayer” Trump, such is the degree of functional conformity between Taliban 2.0 and the likes of Twitter and Facebook.

Included at no cost in your package is a 24/7/365 public relations support centre, SIG (Submissive Infidel Dogs), which includes the Washington Post and other Bacha Bazi.

But the key advance here is the Gen 21 Trolling Shit Post feature which will enable you to mercilessly mock your loser Western enemies even as they grovel at your feet asking about the “existential crisis” they’re sure you’re suffering from in the light of total victory. Here are just two examples of this powerful feature.

In the first, the Gen 21 TSP has taken the images on the left of the ambulatory root vegetable known as “President” Biden licking ice cream while being fellated about it by the US MSM – and converted them into fun pix of yourselves with your ice creams, all while deleting the disgusting acts of fellation.

In the second example the I/O Management engine has worked with the Device Management engine to clothe Holy Warriors in US combat gear and then rendered them and our company logo from a famous historic US memory.

Your trolling mockery of the USA will never stop with Gen 21 TSP.

Finally, if you – or more likely your “friends” – happen to be in the USA on a mission and need assistance all you have to do is contact us, use our American slogan, “BennyDrama7”,** and we’ll give you all the support you need while getting out of your way as quickly as possible.

Allahu Akbar.

** CAUTION: It is essential that you not eat for 24 hours before clicking on BennyDrama7.

Written by Tom Hunter

August 23, 2021 at 6:00 am

“An idea is like a virus,

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…resilient, highly contagious and the smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you”.

Ideas like lockdowns of entire national populations for example, even – or should I say especially – in Western democracies, having spread from the dominant global superpower, China.

Most Western democracies in fact, since “democracy” is increasingly something to chuckle about, especially at election time, rather like the term “post-Covid-19 world”.

Widely vaccinated Britain recorded 26,852 new cases on Tuesday. For New Zealand to experience a similar infection rate, it would need to record around 1,900 cases per day.”

The NZ government, the local MSM, and probably much of the population, would have heart attacks if we had 1900 cases per day. Mind you, that would remove the source of the virus – the idea virus that is.

Future Communist leaders will surely see that claiming a Public Health Emergency is much the most effective way of screwing over every other law of the land, mainly because it’s far superior to trying to do so via cultivating envy of your neighbour’s property or demonising capitalist counter-revolutionaries. With Public Health Emergencies you can actually enlist much of the population to be help as your willing executioners.

The sense of power and control over others is overwhelming, especially when added to self-righteousness. In the case of the talking-to-your-neighbours-will-kill-granny idea, that spread faster than the Delta virus from Australia to New Zealand. It had barely emerged from the mouth of the NSW Chief health wallah than it dropped out of the mouth of the New Zealand Prime Minister.

An idea is like a virus…

So to Australia, where it seems the natives are getting a bit restless, being locked up in their homes and all.

At least they were using pepper spray against adults this time, rather than 12-year old kids.

Beria would certainly have appreciated the following, although he may have thought the uniforms a bit too clunky.

You’d think you were watching a scene from some Middle Eastern dictatorship, but no, that’s Australia.

“Beachgoers sneaking out during Sydney’s Covid lockdown to soak up some winter sun have been sensationally lambasted by a hovering police helicopter,” The Daily Mail wrote. “Footage uploaded to TikTok shows officers in a chopper demanding sunbathers pack up and leave Gordon’s Bay … or be hit with fines for breaking stay-at-home orders.”

Remember: grandma could die if you step outside your homes and talk to your neighbours.

How about Germany?

Apparently Germany is going to introduce vaccine passports. Mind you they’ve got form on this sort of thing. Chancellor Angela Merkel’s chief of staff Helge Braun stated that unvaccinated people, even if they test negative for Covid, would not be allowed to go to venues like restaurants, cinemas, or stadiums, because “the risk to everyone else is too high.”

I’m sure there are other anti-vaccination arguments that could be put forward, but announcements like that are probably the most effective of all.

France:

Some 3,000 security forces have been deployed around Paris in anticipation of more protests against the “health pass”, which will be required soon to enter restaurants and other places. The system — likened to vaccine passports — goes into effect on Aug. 9.

A teacher protesting in Paris told The Guardian that the health pass policy is creating segregation in France: “We’re creating a segregated society, and I think it is unbelievable to be doing this in the country of human rights. So I took to the streets; I have never protested before in my life … I think our freedom is in danger.”

I think you’re a bit late sweetie.

Italy:

… thousands of anti-vaccine-pass demonstrators marched in cities, including Rome, Milan, and Naples. Milan demonstrators stopped outside of the city’s courthouse chanting “Truth!” “Shame!” and “Liberty!” In Rome, they marched behind a banner reading “Resistance.”

Italian authorities have also approved the implementation of a health pass to enter bars, restaurants, and other venues. Critics of the measure argue that it’s draconian and infringes on basic personal liberties.

What’s the point of civil liberties and “freedum” if you’re dead: that’s the argument right?

English writer Mervyn Peake said “To live at all is miracle enough.” It’s a good line and I’ve quoted it for years, but but now I see merely to live at all is not enough, not nearly.

A caged bird is alive but without the freedom to fly the Limitless sky, it is denied everything that makes a bird in the first place. To be alive is not enough. What matters is to live in freedom. A bird is such a fragile creature. It’s really all and only about movement. Take away a bird’s movement and it’s a handful of feathers and air.

More Insanity for your delight

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Well you may not be delighted at the first item, especially if you have kids looking for a house in New Zealand.

I’ve removed the name of the real estate company as I see no reason to give them free advertising after they dropped this through our mailbox the other day.

A 71% increase above the CV. Obviously the house and other structures on the site are worth nothing.

This is not a flash area, even by the moderate standards of Glenn Innes in Auckland, yet this is what’s happening even there. They’re also quite open about land banking and development, as if things like the “brightline test” and no longer being able to deduct expenses as a renter just don’t amount to a speed bump.

That’s because these are companies with teams of lawyers and accountants, and there is no limit to how “money” can be shuffled around to avoid the prescriptive revenge of Leftist governments.

Friends of ours, a Russian immigrant family we met twenty years ago when they landed in NZ at the same time we did, lived in this very street until last year and after years of scrimping and penny pinching, did well enough out of this insanity to be able to buy a section not far away and build a new house. Given the racism from their neighbours that they had to put up with for years they were glad to go.

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The second item is something we all try to avoid, getting tangled up in government bureaucracy – and death.

Many years ago I laughed at one of the crazy stories from the book Catch 22. One of the characters, Doc Daneeka, is gaming extra income by getting flight pay via signing up to fly on standard shakedown flights of bombers that have been repaired. A quick flight around the base and it’s all good, but Daneeka doesn’t even want to do that and the pilots let it slide. Then one of these bomber flights – with his name on the roster – crashes into a nearby mountain in full view of the base. “Poor Doc Daneeka” says one man, even as the Doc, standing beside him, is saying, “but I’m right here”. He ends up living in a ripped up tent on the edge of the base, stealing food wherever he can. Even the amoral capitalist genius of Milo Minderbinder and the evil bureaucratic genius of PFC Wintergreen, cannot resurrect him. It gets to the point that people ignore him when he speaks to them. He also just vanishes from the story eventually, his true fate unknown.

Meet the modern French version of the Doc, Jeanne Pouchain, and marvel at real-life insanity.

‘They said I don’t exist. But I am here’ – one woman’s battle to prove she isn’t dead.

The letter informed her that a lawyer in a court case relating to her cleaning business had told the court that she had died, aged 53, in February 2016. Somehow, this unverified claim – there was no official death certificate, how could there be? – was allowed to go unchecked and unchallenged.

The thing that really gets me is that a relatively minor court could let this happen, but somehow higher courts and supposed authorities can’t seem to reverse the process:

Several courts, including the Cour de Cassation, the highest in the French judicial system, have examined the case and conceded there appeared to be “irregularities”, but deemed it was beyond their competence to bring Pouchain back from the dead. So who can? Pouchain’s local MP’s office tells me they have taken up her case. The MP, Valéria Faure-Muntian, told Pouchain she has spoken to the justice minister, Éric Dupond-Moretti, who is a member of the French bar and will keep a close eye on the case.

Aside from frozen bank accounts and not being able to access the French healthcare system, there’s also ordinary things like not having a passport and a driver’s licence, which crimp your lifestyle to say they least, although when I read this bit …

Then [the gendarme] looked on the central database and he said, ‘I wouldn’t drive if I were you, because you don’t exist. You don’t have a licence.’”

Ok. So what happens if they arrest her for that? Or for anything really? How can you charge a dead person with a crime, convict them and send them to jail? Perhaps she should have tried getting the system to fight itself to a resolution.

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The last concerns the hopeless story creation in Hollywood in the last twenty years, with a seemingly endless line of re-boots, sequels and super-hero movies being made – and starting to sag in box-office returns.

Somebody on social media decided to spark some ideas using merely the photos of two actresses.

Written by Tom Hunter

July 11, 2021 at 4:00 pm