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Posts Tagged ‘Satire

Ave Jacinda

The FBPM held a press conference this morning.

I’m announcing and end to lockdowns for New Zealand. All restrictions will be lifted when the government achieves a 100% immortality rate amongst New Zealanders.

This will be done in two ways.

First, we are introducing legislation to ban death. The obnoxious practice of dying must be stamped out and those found indulging in it will be liable for a term of imprisonment of two years.

Second, we will establish a working party of dead heads from our trade unions, iwi, prisons and universities to recommend a sustainable way forward.

This is a unique and far reaching policy, No longer will Kiwis need to go to Church on Sundays. Just vote for Jacinda Christ.

You don’t seriously think this is satire, do you?

Written by adolffinkensen

September 9, 2021 at 11:49 am

Posted in New Zealand

Tagged with

An Obituary

Winston Raymond Peters

(They say one should not speak ill of the dead, so I’m getting in before his liver fails.)

A sawn off termite infested Cyprus Pine has fallen over in the bush. And nobody noticed. Winston Peters at last has died but his Maker wouldn’t meet him, claiming everyone’s entitled to one mistake.

In all the history of New Zealand, no man showed such initial promise yet delivered so little of value in over fifty years. Not even Tim Shadbolt could match such a record.

During the early 1970s Peters captained the Auckland Maori Rugby team, a remarkable achievement for a person who through out his life displayed no aptitude for teamwork or leadership. Adolf is unable to discover any record of the number of matches won under his captaincy. One senses this sporting pinnacle did not adorn is CV.

A lazy halfbreed bullshitter and accomplished liar from the swamps of Northland, he is reputed to have always worn red ankle socks when ‘interviewing’ nubile female candidates for NZFirst preselection. (Adolf subsequently met one of those rejected.)

It takes a unique political skill to combine corruption, pork barreling, horse wankering and fishy business all in one go but Peters managed it with the scampi affair, the Owen Glen saga and the Hogan/Vella shenanigans.

Peters will be remembered only for his introduction of kindergarten antics to political debate. When asked if he or Winston First had received a donation from Owen Glenn, Peters held up a large “No” sign for the cameras, only to have the lie promptly rebutted by Mr Glenn himself.

Long may he rot in Hell.

Written by adolffinkensen

August 14, 2021 at 9:58 am

Posted in New Zealand

Tagged with

Satire containing two truths

The best satire is that which delivers a dose of truth to a situation.

This latest from the Babylon Bee does that easily, with two truths.

The first is that most Democrats and Lefties would laugh themselves silly if Trump died of Chinese Sinus Rot disease. Despite their best efforts, Twitter and Facebook could not control the “natural” outpouring of hate after struggling with what already happened.

The second is that New York Governor Andrew Quomo got a lot of old people killed when he panicked early in the face of the disease and cleared them out of hospitals in preparation for the great surge of cases to come – sending them into nursing homes, retirement homes and RTC’s where what was already known to be the most vulnerable populations lived. It’s no wonder his state has 35,000 COVID deaths and a death rate of some 1790 per million population.

And so….

Written by Tom Hunter

October 5, 2020 at 6:03 am

Breaking the Satire Wall

In movies, TV and theatre there’s a technique called Breaking the Fourth Wall, whereby the characters punch through the wall of the story to talk directly to the audience.

Recent clever examples of this came from the wonderfully clever and crude superhero movie, Deadpool, and The Big Short, where it was also vital in explaining the financial instruments of the GFC. It was also used to great effect by the lead character, Francis Urquhart, in the 1990 British TV series, House of Cards.

I don’t know if there’s anything similar in satire but given that it has begun to seem as if our world is so crazy that it can’t be satirised, there seems to be a need to punch through to something beyond satire?

If there’s one source of satire that might attempt this it’s The Babylon Bee (Your Trusted Source For Christian News), that has far exceeded the previous champion in this category, The Onion, which is sadly a mere shell of itself since selling out to Hillary Clinton.

Thus the Bee produced this mocking view of how they figured CNN would cover Trump’s recent peace deals…

… only to find that the real thing was little different…

FFS. So since reality had once again beaten satire the Bee decided to simply go all the way with Struggling CNN Just Starts Stealing Headlines From The Babylon Bee:

After months of continually trying and failing to produce better fake news than The Babylon Bee, CNN has assigned a team of people to monitor The Babylon Bee’s website daily to determine how they should cover the news for that day. 

Written by Tom Hunter

September 18, 2020 at 3:27 pm

Run Tom, Run

A few days ago the rap musician Kanye West announced that he is running for President in 2020.

You can read his interview here in Forbes.

It’s…. interesting:

  • Planned Parenthood’s have been placed inside cities by white supremacists to do the Devil’s work”,
  • To say that the Black vote is Democratic is a form of racism and white supremacy”.
  • His White House organisational model would be based on the secret country of Wakanda in the movie Black Panther.

And speaking of movies this set other people to thinking that another guy might have a better shot at it in 2020.

Written by Tom Hunter

July 9, 2020 at 11:14 pm

History never repeats?

Oh yes it bloody well does, and with more than rhyming Mr Twain.

In The Vet’s post the other day, What Has Louisa Wall Done To Offend?, he made the point that her being challenged for her seat from within the Labour Party was a mystery given that she ticks so many boxes for them: Maori, Female, Lesbian, smart, high achiever in sport, academia and now politics…

Amidst much discussion some points were made about Chris Trotter’s constant raging against the Identity Politics Warriors like Wall messing up his beloved Class Warfare purity that he thinks Labour should return to. I was reminded of a piece of satire that Danyl McLauchlan wrote a few years ago on his old blog, The DimPost. Once he started writing serious stuff for places like The Spinoff he made his blog private, but thanks to The Wayback Machine, a commentator’s suggestion, and more searching than I usually care to do, I found it: Chris Trotter on Party Central (2010):

So “Party Central” is no longer central to the party that is central to the party at the centre of our party politics. 

Am I the only Kiwi who experiences tightness in my jaw and a numb feeling in my left-arm when I contemplate the disarray that has befallen Auckland governance?

we have all supped from the golden poison chalice of satanic robot run regional and local government only to find ourselves regaining conciousness yet again in our neighbour’s toolshed with our clothes drenched in urine.

Danyl really should try satire again, although it may be that he can find no one to pay for it. But it was the next section that I remembered the best:

It was the radical right-wing feminist government of William Massey that spread open the labile pink floodgates of change and swept away the egalitarian order in a wave of capitalist frenzy, separatist Maori entitlement and so-called-women who threaten to press charges because that is what their liberal puppetmasters at our elitist universities have brainwashed them to do. 

Like most real New Zealanders I yearn for the days when our great little country was ruled by stocky, moustached trade-unionists but I fear that those days are gone forever, swept away by a great wave that swept everything away like a wave.

During my history search I found a 2014 article by Trotter advocating pretty much the treatment that Wall is getting, Labour’s Caucus Still In Charge, where he admiringly quotes Matt McCarten from 1988:

“So we should call a special conference of the party and expel them … The Labour Party made a mistake selecting these people so sack them. Throw them out and let them stand against us. They’ll lose and the Labour Party can rebuild itself.”

To be fair, Chris appears to now be in total thrall to “the labile pink floodgates of change“. Funny how  winning elections and obtaining a measure of power can do that.

Speaking of which, during my search I also found an old comment of mine from Kiwiblog in 2011, in a thread which dealt with us losing people to a more successful Australia and DPF’s lament that we need to boost productivity and lift wages.

Shorter message: Vote for us because we suck less than the other guys.

Actually that’s the entire National message as NZ slowly reverses into the 21st century. And it’s an effective one as they undoubtedly know; the smug, cynical response being who else are you going to vote for? 

And they’re correct.

As far as the media coverage is concerned I say to all lefties, welcome to our world circa 2000-2005. The shallow, pathetic coverage of stories combined with gushing over various aspects of [PM Key] is really very little different than in Clark’s time. Sure, there are the blogs but they aren’t there yet in supporting a narrative the way the old MSM still can. 

But don’t worry. National and Key will tire sooner or later, Labour will find some “new” material as candidates and even a fresh leader, the pendulum will swing and you will find yourselves benefiting from exactly the same uselessness of media coverage. 

Yeah. History repeats all right.

Written by Tom Hunter

May 26, 2020 at 12:00 pm

America’s new Paper of Record

At least it seems that way as satirical website The Babylon Bee, maintains its track record of puncturing the inflated egos and puffed up pretensions of the US MSM.

Washington Post To Run All Headlines By In-House ISIS Marketing Rep

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In order to ensure all headlines about Islamic terrorism are culturally sensitive and do not offend any brave freedom fighters in the Middle East, The Washington Post has retained an ISIS marketing representative.

All headlines published about terrorism will be run by the marketing rep. The PR rep was immediately put to work as headline writers worked to come up with a sensitive take on the death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

Do you think we should call him an extremist terrorist leader or is that considered offensive?” one intern asked the representative, Aarif al-Samarrai, in a brainstorming session Sunday.

An angered Samarrai began firing his AK-47 into the air and screamed, “ALLAHU AKBAR!” at this suggestion, apparently not happy with the angle. Post writers frantically tried to come up with different headlines to appease him,…

Sure it’s satire, but nowadays it’s increasingly hard to tell the difference between that and the published news.

I liked this one too, although it’s not from The Babylon Bee because even they’re not this mean.

Fake – but accurate:

Written by Tom Hunter

October 28, 2019 at 8:25 pm