Over the last few years I’ve established a tradition in my home of spending part of a NZ or US Presidential election night watching the first episode of the third Blackadder comedy series (cunningly called Blackadder III) – Dish and Dishonesty.

The reason for this tradition is that despite being almost forty years old it is the best short satire of politics that has ever been made.

Oh sure, there are longer, more subtle and more complex comedies such as the movie Primary Colors (a barely shaded “fictional” tale about the Clintons in the 1992 Presidential election), and the original British series House of Cards, plus the brutal series The Thick of It, and of course the famous series, Yes Minister and its sequel Yes, Prime Minister.

But Dish and Dishonesty still stands out because it covers almost all the same topics of politics in less than 30 minutes. Moreover – and this is the scary part – it only seems to have grown more accurate over time.

So let me take some time here to compare the key elements of the episode, from start to finish, and link them to our contemporary political scene in the USA and (to a lessor extent) in New Zealand (do I really have to warn you that plot spoilers lie ahead?). Readers are also invited to draw their conclusions from each satirical element.

The Ignorance and Worthlessness of the Subjects of the Nation

“Oooo… Has there been an election, then, Mr Blackadder?” The question for the ages posed by pie shop owner Mrs Miggins (brilliantly portrayed by Helen Atkinson-Wood). This in response to Blackadder (whom I’ll call “BA” from here on) relaxing after the election. At which point he tells her that she didn’t know about it because she’s not allowed to vote (“Look at Manchester: population, 60,000; electoral role, 3“), using Baldrick as the supreme example of why that is right and proper (“cavorting druids and eating dung for dinner”).

PARALLELS: I am increasingly persuaded that BA may have been correct. I am also increasingly persuaded that the whole “electoral role 3” world never actually went away.

The Stupidity of the Ruling Class

“The same old cha. Fat Tory MP’s who get elected when they reach a certain weight and raving revolutionaries who think that just because they do a days work that somehow entitles them to be paid”. BA holds the supreme example of all this to be the PM, Pitt The Elder, “who doesn’t bother anybody until his potty needs emptying”

PARALLELS: That last is the perfect description of “President” Biden. Prince George is at least as stupid as Biden but in better physical shape and not senile. To be fair to NZ we don’t have any leaders as hopeless as this, although more than a few MP’s fit the description and our fitness levels will drop to the average NZ obesity levels once Gerry Brownlee retires.

The Financial and Moral Corruption of their Loyal Servants

Somewhere in between this “same old cha” is the scheming BA himself, making good money on the side and doing whatever else is required to take care of his boss and thus himself. BA’s current primary source of income is selling off the Prince’s socks (re-stocked by Parliament) while the latter is constantly astounded and frustrated at how they just go missing (“Honestly, you’d think someone was coming in here, stealing the damn things and selling them off”). BA agrees that this is an absurd scenario.

PARALLELS: Andrew Little admitting he was annoyed at how $1.9 billion had been spent in Mental Healthcare with no improvements to show for it – plus 90% of the Wellington bureaucracy as Blackadder.

Political factions fighting over money.

BA’s cozy world is upended when a new PM appears, Pitt The Younger, who has become PM “unfortunately right in the middle of my examinations” and intends to cut off funding of the Prince, who has spent an “astonishing £60,000 on socks”. BA’s reaction is swift as he informs The Prince of the looming disaster and what BA intends to do about it.

PARALLELS: As you watch this scene imagine Jacinda Ardern being told what to do by Ashley Bloomfield, Michael Baker and Siouxsie Wiles in locking down the country in March 2020. I also invite the following visual comparison.

The Corruption of the Electoral System

BA knows only one vote is needed to stop the PM’s “evil machinations” and so tries to enlist an MP, with the possibility of putting him on the High Court. BA picks a man who has the worst attendance record in the House, having entered it only once to take a drunken piss before passing out in the Speaker’s Chair. The MP, Sir Talbot Buxomley, happily agrees, being a staunch Royalist, but dies during the visit.

PARALLELS: Trevor Mallard springs to mind plus Rob Muldoon as he called the snap election in 1984, plus the usual knighthoods and Bolger offering the Speaker’s position to Labour’s Sir Peter Tapsell to retain power by one vote in 1993.

Taking advantage of a rotten system.

BA’s next play is to use the fact that Sir Talbot comes from a rotten borough, (the immortal Dunny-on-the-Wold, which could actually be a real English place) and replace him with a candidate over whom they have complete control, “a man with no brain”. Of course they pick BA’s dogsbody, Baldrick.

PARALLELS: Had they lived now almost any backbench Labour MP would have been suitable, plus a number of the Greens and even a few National members.

Putting up rotten candidates.

BS fills out Baldrick’s “MP Application Form” but hits a barrier when Baldrick declares that he has no criminal record. BA is exasperated:
“Oh for God’s sake, Baldrick, you’re going to be an MP! …. Here, I’ll just put down fraud and sexual deviancy”
😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳
Meanwhile the PM selects his own brother, Pit The Even Younger to contest the seat against what is now known as The Adder Party.

PARALLELS: Too many to count. This is actually not as funny as it once was – especially since Baldrick’s “bribe level” is merely one turnip. Oh that they should be so cheap nowadays.

Taking no chances with either the candidates or the voters.

The Prince is concerned that Pitt may win but is assured by BA that this is not possible:

“No, sir, because, firstly, we shall fight this campaign on issues, not personalities. Secondly, we shall be the only fresh thing on the menu. And thirdly, of course, we’ll cheat.”

A rotten borough is one where the voter elects and controls all the votes and hence the candidate. BA makes sure of the win by replacing the voter with himself after the voter “accidentally, brutally cuts his head off while shaving”, the returning officer (similar fate), and becoming Baldrick’s campaign manager. Baldrick is not allowed to speak because he has a carrot stuck in his mouth.

PARALLELS: I did not think of the Maori electorates during this scene. And you did not just think of an elephant. It was also pleasing for me to see that the Biden Democrat Party did not attempt to do any of this in the US Presidential election of 2020 in Pennsylvania, Arizona, New Mexico, Wisconsin or Michigan.

The Uselessness of the Media

The guy reporting on the Dunny-on-the-Wold election is one Vincent Hanna, a journalist working for the newspaper, Country Gentleman’s Pig Fertilizer Gazette. Had I the wealth I would have no hesitation in buying the NZ Herald, Stuff, TV One, Newshub or any other MSM outfit and changing their name to that. I think it might save them: I’d certainly subscribe to such a source.

When it is announced that Pitt The Even Younger has lost the election by some 16,472 votes, Vincent’s comment is priceless, “Oh, there’s a shock”. Similarly his reaction to finding out that BA is also the voter, plus his interview with Ivor ‘Jest-ye-not-madam’ Biggun of the Standing-At-The-Back-Dressed-Stupidly-And-Looking-Stupid Party and his nonsensical plan to abolish slavery:

“Oh, we just put that in for a joke! See you next year!”

PARALLELS: Any National or ACT MP when they talk about cutting the size of government or while bitching about how mean and biased TVNZ and RNZ are to them while continuing to fund them.

Watching your cunning plans blow up in your face

  • Due to your selected candidate being too stupid.
    Baldrick is led through the Yea lobby door by the cunning Pitt The Younger and the bill passes the House. As punishment BA slow grills Baldrick over Mrs Miggins fire (how many party leaders have been so tempted by idiot MP’s) until he realises he can get the Prince to appoint himself to the House of Lords to stop the bill and fall into wealth. All that is needed is the Prince’s agreement (easily obtained) and a flash wind cheater made from the coat of “Lady Hamilton’s Pussy” – plus bribing three hundred Lords at a thousand pounds each (Four hundred thousand, I think you’ll find, sir.”)

    PARALLELS: Newly elected Chippie and Jacinda screwing up their first vote count in Parliament in 2017, a sign of the incompetence to come. Losing multiple Cabinet Ministers, even as they failed to deliver anything

  • Your ruling class being at least as stupid.
    Unfortunately the Prince picks the wrong man who has fought in “matching the political machinations of the evil Pitt’” and appoints Baldrick a Lord. Although angry at this turn of events, BA is relieved to find that the Prince has given Baldrick the bribe money and determines to beat it out of him.

    PARALLELS: Nash passing on Cabinet information to his forestry mates. “Rivers of Filth” Woodford and his shares. No beatings unfortunately.

Swearing off politics forever.

Unfortunately it turns out that Baldrick has already been bribed for his vote, exchanging the £400,000 for his “dream turnip”. In a fit of rage BA promptly destroys the priceless turnip before having to face an angry naked, Tunisian sock merchant, swearing that it will be “the last time I dabble in politics!”

Would that be true for all of us.