No Minister

Posts Tagged ‘Black Humour

NORAD tracks Brandon

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You’d think that the US MSM had bigger fish to fry, what with the arrival of the dreaded and deadly ZOMG OMICRON mutant of C-19 and all sorts of economic problems in America.

But no.

No, it’s far more important that they rally around their designated godhead to defend him against the slings and arrows of outraged citizens. Or in this case, an amused citizen who decided to have a bit of fun with “President” Biden.

It’s been the tradition since 1955 for NORAD to use their radar systems to track Santa on his way from the North Pole, and this year the “President” decided to join in the fun as little kids across America called in to find out where Santa was. Then this happened:

Oh dear. Over the years we’ve had films and plays centered around the assassinations of Dubya and Trump, and Kathy Griffin posing with Trump’s bloody severed head and a thousand “Fuck Trump” calls from celebrities.

But what this guy did to Biden was far worse; he actually showed that Joe Biden is non compos mentis and in doing so revealed that someone(s) else is running the show. Naked emperor or Frank Morgan behind the curtain. Take your pick.

Or perhaps it’s his wife Jill. You can see the shock register on her face: she knows what the phrase means even if the dementia-ridden old wreck beside her does not. Seriously, do all these people have to keep Soft-Serve Joe insulated from the real world?

The US media promptly had a meltdown and swung into action. Rather than making the lead story about Biden not knowing what the hell is going on, they huffed and puffed about how horrible this was. NBC actually described it as “a Right-wing slur”, which is ironic because it was an NBC reporter who coined the phrase after she claimed she “misheard” chants of “Fuck Joe Biden!” at a NASCAR race, and set the meme in motion.

They were going to find out who this asshole was – and make him pay – and they have. Video of the other end of the call was located on Social Media and the guy was identified as one Jared Schmeck from Oregon:

folks on the left have now used that video to doxx the guy, put a name to the face, and are trying to hurt him at his alleged place of employment. They have his alleged name, the local government job he supposedly has, and that he works for a family business. They’re trying to out him to the government job so that job will take some action against him.

[They] have even posted his real address, the name of his wife, and the names of members of his family. Given the way that people fold like cheap suits when faced with the mob, I don’t doubt that they might be able to get this guy punished in some way by his employer or even fired. They’re also talking about trying to hurt the family business.

Actually this is nothing new. Years ago during his Presidential campaign, Obama was doing the usual neighbourhood meet-and-greet and got into a debate with some guy throwing a football around his front yard with his kid. Barack was in full spread-the-wealth-around mode and the guy did not agree. The guy got doxxed to hell.

A couple of years later some rodeo clown wore an Obama mask (as he had with the masks of other Presidents). Obama could have made a public reference to how it’s a fine old American tradition to mock their leaders but he didn’t, letting his worshippers apply “public pressure” to the rodeo and getting the guy fired. Apparently you can unify a nation while “getting in people’s faces” and “punching back twice as hard.”

Schmeck, is now getting death threats:

“At the end of the day, I have nothing against Mr. Biden, but I am frustrated because I think he can be doing a better job,” said Jared Schmeck, who works for an electric company and was previously a Medford police officer for six years until he resigned in July 2018. “I mean no disrespect to him.”

Oh buddy. If you’re going to go on Social Media the first thing you need to understand is that apologies and explanations are just throwing blood in the water to these SJW assholes. Better to go on the attack by telling these people that they’re just pissed because he pulled back the curtain on a truth they deny.

Written by Tom Hunter

December 28, 2021 at 10:04 am

Ramble On

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That song title seems entirely appropriate as we sit here on the first day of the last month of another crap year in New Zealand, awash in the golden light of a new dawn in National Party leadership, the fifth one I think (who can keep track any more).

First, something beautiful – from several aspects – the Cărturești Carusel Bookstore, Bucharest, Romania

This wonderful building was built in 1903 by a wealthy family of Greek bankers, only to be confiscated by the Communist regime in the 1950s. It was turned into a general store and later abandoned and left to decay as Communism collapsed.

The grandson of the banker, who originally bought the building back in 1903 requested that it would be returned to his family, as legal heirs… It took 24 years of battles in court, untangling bureaucratic loops, and finding the proper documents in archives, but he finally took possession of the decaying building in 2007. He then began its remarkable transformation to the Cărturești Carusel (“Carousel of Light”) bookstore that stands today.

The extensive renovation went above and beyond, creating a stunning shop considered to be one of the most beautiful bookstores in Romania, and even the world…The store’s three floors spread across more than 10,000 square feet that hold as many books. There are elegantly curved balconies on each of the upper levels, a large open space in the middle, and a teahouse on the top floor that offers a great view of the entire bookstore.

There’s a lot else wrong with Illinois, which is why many people from that state are moving just across the border to Indiana, while still able to commute to their jobs in places like Chicago. But at this rate it won’t be too long before the businesses start shifting also.

Of course an extra step might become the case. Quick background to the following: the Geico insurance company has used this little green fella for years now in its advertising of saving money in insurance.

While funny I’m not sure that NASA can continue to be quite as dismissive of such people, given its ongoing clown show.

If anybody is going to save us from a Deep Impact scenario it isn’t going to be NASA

Of course we haven’t beaten viruses yet so hubris is not called for on the asteroid front. The latest ZOMG variant of Chinese Xi Snot virus has appeared, via Africa, and naturally the WHO (Whore Health Organisation) obeyed their Chinese masters and skipped the next letter in the Greek alphabet.

This guy is a prime target for Xi Snot virus. I live in hope but as a fifty year bureaucrat he’s already proved the ability to survive almost anything.

Don’t laugh. The supply chain problems are global

It’s all part of the plan.

A quick flashback to Andrew Sullivan’s critique of the MSM, here compactly listed in his Tweet rather than the lengthy article where he ripped each of these apart.

Except he’s still extending them the benefit of the doubt about their good will. The following just the other day shows why that should no longer be done. The MSM have agendas and narratives to pursue – like the danger of SUV’s and cars.

I like the honesty of this advertisement

I would have thought a government derived from prisoners and prison officers would be something to be constantly feared.

Written by Tom Hunter

December 1, 2021 at 7:56 am

Posted in Humour

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Phoning in the problems

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After heavy criticism about continuing to hide in the White House and not getting out to see ordinary people in far-flung bits of America, President Biden finally breaks down and visits a remote northern native village.

With news crews following him around as they tour the place, Biden asks the chief if there was anything the people need.

“Well,” says the chief, “We have three very important needs. First, we have a medical clinic, but no doctor.”

Biden whips out his phone, dials a number, talks to somebody for two minutes and then hangs up. “I’ve pulled some strings. Your doctor will arrive in a few days. Now what was the second problem?”

“We have no way to get clean water. The local mining operation has poisoned the water our people have been drinking for thousands of years. We’ve been flying bottled water in, and it’s terribly expensive.”

Once again, Biden dials a number, yells into the phone for a few minutes, and then hangs up. “The mine has been shut down, and the owner is being billed for setting up a purification plant for your people.

Now what was that third problem?”

“We have no cellphone reception up here,” the chief says.

Written by Tom Hunter

November 29, 2021 at 9:01 am

Welcome to the Internet

“Could I interest you in everything all of the time?”

The song was only posted on YouTube in June but already has 56 million views.

Pure genius from this guy Bo Burnham.

Also scary. I can’t help thinking that when the histories of the Chinese Xi Snot pandemic are written, The Internet is going be a big part of the picture of hysteria.

Written by Tom Hunter

November 27, 2021 at 11:47 am

Living Loving Maid

Rumour has it that there’s a bit of a shitstorm happening with National at the moment. Perhaps I should have titled this post after the famous ACDC song, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, instead of Led Zep?

Oh well. In honour of what’s happening let’s start with causes of death in London, 1632. Readers are invited to apply any of these to Judith Collins – and possibly the National Party.

It would seem that the only difference between a conspiracy theory and the truth is now about six months to a year.

Conspiracy theorists have claimed a COVID-19 vaccine, when available, will be “forced” on everyone – including Kiwis.

The Government has rubbished those claims, made most notably by Jami-Lee Ross and Billy Te Kahika’s Advance NZ. 

Meanwhile in Hollywood some people have completely lost the plot on the Rittenhouse shootings.

For context you need to see the following, which is about actor Mark Ruffalo and his defence of “JoJo”.

This was always the logical outcome, and Antifa/BLM welcomed it and promoted it in 2020. Did they really think they’d be the only ones “punching Nazis”?

I like this American answer to the usual whining from foreign nations about US gun laws.

Also news from the world of “science”. The US is on target for having two million illegal aliens cross their Southern border this year.

Written by Tom Hunter

November 25, 2021 at 8:03 am

Posted in Britain, Humour, USA

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K… K… K… Karl Marx and his never-ending story

Way back on October 8 I wrote a post about Biden’s nominee for the position of Office of Comptroller of the Currency, Saule Omarova:

The OCC charters, regulates, and supervises all national banks and federal savings associations as well as federal branches and agencies of foreign banks. The OCC is an independent bureau of the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

I titled that post, Karl Marx’s Economic Analysis and the Theory of Revolution in The Capital, since that was the title of her Masters Thesis at Moscow State University in the late 1980’s. I left it at that. The comments section closes automatically after two weeks to avoid spam.

Probably a good thing, because since then the bloody post has shown up every single day in the stats. I can only assume that around the world people are tapping the title of her thesis into their search engines in the hope of finding the original document, and ending up here at No Minister.

Sorry folks. I looked for it too at the MSU archives but no luck, and Ms Omarova is keeping her copy under lock and key. I don’t know why though as it couldn’t be any more damaging than what is already known about the Commie fanatic.

Written by Tom Hunter

November 19, 2021 at 11:02 am

The Lemon Song

Is it Thursday?

That must mean I missed my usual Wednesday publication of entirely random stuff that turns up on the computer.

Oh well, that just puts me closer to Halloween. I see a few gateways and doorways have been done up around our neighbourhood but I assume they’ll be no Trick-Or-Treating this year. Parents may just take their little tykes around to look at the displays.

Actually the following could well be a real situation rather than satire.

As always the Babylon Bee has suggestions for costumes.

One Halloween costume I’ve never seen is that of a Samurai Warrior.

Admittedly, dressing up in costumes is so much everyday life nowadays.


Speaking of costumes the most famous external underpants wearer has had a makeover, with the latest development of Superman in the old world of comic books now being all about his son – and he’s gay because of course he is, and he no longer talks of Truth, Justice and The American Way because that’s just embarrassing nowadays. The Bee again:

This development will, of course, kill off DC Comic Books even further since their market was primarily cisgendered teenage boys. The only unrealistic thing about the following cartoon is that there really is nothing left to burn or save.

Meantime the real Clark Kent’s of our age are hot on the trail of today’s criminals – which is likely you or anybody with a sense of humour.

I’m literally shaking. Meantime in the USA another political “leader” also continues to have his nose tweaked with further developments of a theme that’s sweeping the nation.

That’s hardly a surprise given the problems hitting “President” Biden at the moment, with economic woes now moving ahead of concerns over pandemics. It always amuses me when Democrats get themselves in trouble, then try to defend the indefensible and then do so with arguments that are even worse than the problem they’re trying to cover up. The last time I recall this happening was in 2009 when the economy chose not to boom under Obama, leading to terms like “Funemployment” being created. But even that was better than this.

Yeah, I can smell the nostalgia for Soviet breadlines from here. Basically it’s all part of the plan.

I didn’t track down where the following came from but I’d bet it’s the New Yorker magazine as it’s both their cartoon style and subject matter.

Written by Tom Hunter

October 28, 2021 at 8:42 am

Posted in Humour

Tagged with ,

At last, some serious commentary

As a serious political commentator this is what I’ve been waiting for.

If you thought photoshopping Jacinda into Der Führer’s uniform was bad, well,,,,, it looks like somebody has finally taken the classic Downfall bunker scene – a clip that has been the source of so many parodies over the years that it has its own YouTube channel – and applied it to our beloved Prime Minister (and her little friends).

As Downfall parodies go this one’s pretty good although I hate the caption font. There’s one slip up on a caption vs audio bit but they actually manage to get the reference to Stalin placed correctly, which most don’t bother with.

As ever, fluent speakers of German will not be able to enjoy this (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!)

Ganz gave what most people consider the most accurate and greatest portrayal of Adolf Hitler on screen, in the 2004 movie Downfall, which focuses on the final days of the Third Reich in the Berlin “Fuhrerbunker”.

The most famous scene in the movie – the one above – was where Hitler loses the plot completely. He finds out that one of his generals, Steiner, has not carried out the counter-attack Hitler ordered and accuses Steiner of simply refusing the order. He goes on to accuse all the Wehrmacht generals of being cowards and having constantly betrayed and lied to him, and so forth. It’s a terrifyingly awesome and yet pathetic meltdown.

And it was made for parody.

We’ll see how long this stays up before some member of the Branch Covidian cult demands it be taken down.

Written by Tom Hunter

October 23, 2021 at 1:55 pm

NKVD or Gestapo: which fits better?

I’m going to add the following two photoshopped pictures to the media library of No Minister where they can be used by other authors here in their posts, since the rest of the NM collective focuses on New Zealand.

But I thought I’d give readers an opportunity to debate which one is the more suitable.

First up is the classic: Der Führer Jacinda.

We all know this one. That armband swastika really jumps out at you and the Nazis are the go-to boogeyman in every fictional TV show and movie that deals with the past century, or connects our present – and sometimes our future – with totalitarian regimes.

But I always feel that this comparison is too easy, even if in our present situation we have a government using the private sector to work its will.

So to our second choice. General Secretary Adern.

Personally this one is my preference simply to balance up the totalitarian comparison game. Admittedly we’re also more into the dreary world of the Stasi than the mass murdering NKVD, given how New Zealand is operating with the use of willing Informeller Mitarbeiters.

I suppose Jacinda in a Mao suit might be even more appropriate, given how we kowtow to the CCP nowadays. I’ll talk to the photoshop artist.

Written by Tom Hunter

October 23, 2021 at 6:38 am

Ganging up on humour

We have links to two satirical sites here at NM: The Civilian and Imperator Fish.

But I’d not heard of before now. Given their slogan (NZ’S Real Fake News) it looks like they’re trying to be the Babylon Bee of NZ.


Covid vaccine rates have climbed among gang members after their leaders have tried a new approach: threats of extreme violence. ‘It’s more in keeping with our culture,’ said Mongrel Mob leader Harry Munta. ‘The guys really get the point when we threaten to knee cap them with a tire iron. They turn up at the vaccine centre the next day.’

‘I got it done for my whanau, my community and my face. Harry was going to smash it in if I didn’t.’ said Rua Jones from the Taupo chapter.

‘Yes the mob have been very useful in motivating their members to get the jab,’ enthused one official from the Health Department. ‘We have learnt a lot from their methods. Next week we are starting a nation-wide campaign targeting the vaccine hesitant. The slogan will be: Get vaccinated or we will rip your arms out of your sockets and beat you to the death with them. We are sure it will be a big success.’

Taking a look at Chris Trotter’s two most recent articles (Introducing Mr Stick.and Why Is Labour So Frightened Of “Mr Stick”? (plus his commentators), I found myself not laughing at that last bit.

Written by Tom Hunter

October 9, 2021 at 7:55 pm